# LIBRARY OF CONGRESS.! 

J UNITED | 



PORTRAIT OF A CHRISTIAN, 



DRAWN FROM LIFE: 

OF 

MARIA ELIZABETH CLAPP. 

BY HEB PASTOR, 

CHANDLER ROBBINS, D.D. 



MINISTER OF THE SECOND CHURCH. 



FOURTH EDITION. 



BOSTON: 

PUBLISHED BY CROSBY, NICHOLS, AND COMPANY, 
FOR THE SUNDAY-SCHOOL SOCIETY. 
1859. 




Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1858, by 

CHANDLER BOBBINS, D.D. 
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of Massachusetts. 



BOSTON: 

PRINTED BY JOHN WILSON AND SON, 
22, SCHOOL STREET. 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER I. 

Page. 

Value of Biography. Outlines of Miss Clapp's 
Character. Her Diary and Private Papers . . 1 

II. 

Childhood and Youth. Her Preparation for the 
Lord's Supper. Great Love for that Rite. 
Vhsws of its Value, and First Participation of 
it. Her Frequent Self-Consecration .... 11 

in. 

Christian Activity and Usefulness. Sunday School 
and Day School. Correspondence with her 
Young Pupils and Friends 47 

IV. 

Christian Friendship. Correspondence with L. . 74 
V. 

Justification by Faith, and its blessed Results . 90 
VI. 

Sickness. Preparation for Departure. Last Hours 100 



Portrait of a Christian 3Ltfe. 



PORTRAIT OF A CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



CHAPTER I. 

Value op Biography. Outlines of Miss Clapp's Cha- 
racter. Her Diary and Private Papers. 

nPO teach religion without the aid of bio- 
graphy would be like teaching statuary 
without models, or geography without a map. 
Rules and maxims help us to shape our course ; 
but the examples of the good are our guiding 
stars. The sayings of the wise are the nutri- 
ment of virtue ; but their own lives are its 
inspiration. He who describes the way of 
uprightness enables us to discern, and excites 
us to approve ; but he who traces it in person 
provokes us to pursue it. The trophies of Mil- 
tiades would not suffer Themistocles to sleep. 
1 



2 



PORTRAIT OP A 



Plutarch's gallery has made more heroes than 
the lectures of the Academy ; and who can 
doubt that Christianity has been as much 
indebted for its influence over the hearts of 
men to the portraits of its saints, as to the 
homilies of its preachers, or the writings of its 
apologists ? 

The church of Christ has always, with equal 
gratitude and wisdom, commemorated the 
names and services of those who have adorned 
its doctrine. St. Paul did not forget to men- 
tion in his Epistles his faithful fellow-laborers, 
both male and female, with respect and 
gratitude. The Roman-Catholic church has 
canonized its choicest spirits, whether of lowly 
or exalted birth, and preserves with pious care 
the lengthening roll of its saints. The walls 
of many Protestant temples are hung with 
tablets and effigies in honor of their lights and 
benefactors. 

We build no monuments in the aisles of our 
New-England churches ; we place no marble 
busts against their columns ; we inscribe no 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



3 



epitaphs upon their walls. But we must not, 
we would not, be ungrateful. We, too, would 
cherish in the church the remembrance of 
those whose influence has refreshed, whose 
characters have adorned it. We regard it as a 
high and holy debt to " bind a garland around 
the brows " of a Christian whose chaste life 
has illustrated the purity of our religion, and 
whose devoted labors have enriched and blessed 
humanity. The testimony of a faithful life, and 
the witness of a triumphant death, belong to the 
church universal. They are of no private 
ownership, but are the property of the truth, 
the inheritance of the great family of God, 
not to be selfishly hidden therefrom, if their 
commemoration can inspire with courage a 
fainting spirit, or animate one feeble heart to 
strive more patiently for the victory and the 
crown of faith. 

Such considerations have led me to prepare 
a simple and truthful memorial of one of the 
most consistent and complete Christians whom 
it has been my privilege to know. 



4 



PORTRAIT OF A 



Most of those who are called Christians, and 
who are not undeserving of the name, are 
called so in a qualified sense. You do not 
doubt that they sincerely believe in Christ, and 
love him ; that they wish and try to keep his 
precepts ; and that their characters are improv- 
ing under his influence. They have many 
virtues, perhaps some shining virtues. They 
keep themselves aloof from the follies and sins 
of the world. They give their testimony on 
the side of religion, and illustrate its divine 
doctrines by many deeds of righteousness and 
charity. 

But you discover, with regret, some inconsis- 
tency in their conversation ; something which 
mars the harmony of their character. They 
impress you as only partially Christian. You do 
not, at all times and under all circumstances, 
recognize in them the image of the Master. 
You do not always feel in their presence a 
positive and powerful Christian influence. 

She whose modest and saintly image is 
before me while I write was one of those rare 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



5 



characters to whom such remarks do not 
apply.* She was a Christian indeed, in whom 
was no guile. Every one who saw her recog- 
nized in her the marks of a true disciple of 
Jesus. Those who met her most frequently, 
and knew her most intimately, were pro- 
foundly impressed with the genuineness and 
thoroughness of her consecration to God. 

I do not say that hers was a perfect life ; 
but it was a life so penetrated and imbued 
with the spirit of the Saviour, so faithfully 
directed and studiously modelled after his pre- 
cepts and example, so entirely subjected in all 
its elements and movements to his divine con- 
trol, that I feel authorized to call it consistently 
and thoroughly Christian. I have seen it so 
long, I have watched it so carefully, I have 
known it so thoroughly, that I can speak with 
certainty. For twenty years I have noticed 
its steady and constant development ; have ob- 
served it under different circumstances and in 



* Maria E. Clapp, born at New London, Conn., Dec. 31, 1820. 



6 



PORTRAIT OF A 



different attitudes ; seen it in the light, and 
seen it in the shade ; seen it in the church 
and in the home, in the sabbath school and the 
day school, in hours of religious conversation 
and hours of social enjoyment ; — and for 
months seen it, day after day, in the chamber 
of sickness and in the prospect of death, dur- 
ing the closest confidential intercourse, in 
which no secret recess of the heart was not 
opened in confession, or unveiled in commu- 
nion. How could I have failed to estimate it 
justly ? How could I have been deceived as 
to its real character ? It was indeed a con- 
sistent and complete Christian life. 

Such lives are the most effective preachers. 
The plainest record of them is the best of ser- 
mons. They furnish the most convincing 
evidences of the truth of Christianity. They 
prove that faith in Jesus has not lost its life- 
giving virtue. They prove that Christ himself 
is a living and present power. They verify 
his best promises to the hearts that love him. 
They show that he does still come unto them, 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



7 



and make his abode with them. They make 
it manifest, that, even to-day, he sends the 
Comforter down into the breast of lowly dis- 
ciples, to bring his words to remembrance, and 
to lead them into all truth, They prove how 
much can be accomplished within one's self 
and without, in building up a heavenly cha- 
racter and in elevating and blessing others, 
even with ordinary capacities and in a humble 
sphere, by simple fidelity. They stir the con- 
science by showing us what we ourselves ought 
to be and might be, if we were true to our 
knowledge and our belief. And when we con- 
template their purity, their beauty, and their 
beneficent fruitfulness ; when we consider the 
depth of their peace and the richness of their 
joy ; when we observe the meek triumph with 
which their earthly course is finished, and 
think of the bright crown that awaits them in 
the celestial city towards which they have 
been journeying, when they shall have been 
gathered amongst the 44 jewels of God," — our 
colder hearts kindle with a pure emulation, 



8 



PORTRAIT OP A 



and a new impulse quickens our tardy souls 
to press forward towards the same glorious 
inheritance. 

In sketching the course and lineaments of 
my friend, — especially of her inner life, — I 
shall use, as far as possible, her own words. 
A large number of her private papers and let- 
ters have been placed in my hands, with the 
privilege of selecting whatever may appear to 
me suitable for the illustration of her charac- 
ter, and at the same time conducive to the 
religious improvement of the young. 

For nearly twenty years, it had been her 
practice to record in a private journal — which 
was never read by any of her family till after 
her decease — all the most interesting particu- 
lars connected with her religious experience. 
It is unnecessary to say that I have consulted 
and used this diary with feelings of delicacy 
and sacredness. Though it was intended for 
no eye but her own to read, — being written, 
as is stated on its first page, " as a help to self- 
examination, and to record only the sincere 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



9 



feelings of my (her) heart" — it contains not 
a sentence which, if exposed to the scrutiny of 
the world, would cast a shade upon the charac- 
ter of a saint ; but many, very many, which 
would excite both wonder and admiration at 
the purity of her secret motives, the depth of 
her humility, the intensity of her longings 
after a spotless righteousness, and the ardor 
and constancy of her love to the Saviour. 

By the aid of this diary, in addition to all 
the other means I have enjoyed of becoming 
acquainted with her character, I am able to 
trace quite distinctly the progress of her 
Christian life, and to understand thoroughly 
the principles by which it was governed. She 
never imagined that any thing she said or did 
would be the subject of commemoration after 
her decease. It was her hope only that her 
humble name might be found written in the 
Lamb's Book of Life, and that the influence 
of her instructions and her character might 
continue to work, silently and secretly, in 
the hearts of her pupils and her companions, 



10 



PORTRAIT OF A 



when she had passed away. Nevertheless, I 
am sure that she would not forbid such a use 
of her writings or of her example as might 
serve the cause of her beloved Master, or con- 
tribute to the spiritual benefit of the least of 
his disciples. She was modest and humble, 
but had no false delicacy. As she would have 
recoiled from the display of her piety for her 
own praise, so she would have scorned to hide 
it when its discovery might be for the honor 
of the truth. 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



11 



CHAPTER H. 

Childhood and Youth. Her Preparation for the 
Lord's Supper. Great Love for that Rite. Views 
of its Value, and First Participation of it. Her 
Frequent Self-Consecration. 

A group of children are gathered at twilight 
around their mother's chair. She has chosen 
that tranquil hour to sow in their tender hearts 
the seed of divine truth. She speaks to them 
of their heavenly Father in tones of rever- 
ence and gratitude. She tells them of the 
blessed Saviour, who came down from heaven 
to bring messages of love, and to suffer and be 
crucified for sinners. She dwells upon this 
affecting theme. She describes Jesus in the 
midst of little children, taking them up in his 
arms and blessing them. She repeats his kind 
invitation, " Suffer them to come unto me." 
She teaches them his beatitudes, — " Blessed 



12 



PORTRAIT OF A 



are the pure in heart ; blessed are the peace- 
makers; blessed are the meek." She recites 
his sacred precepts, — " Love your enemies; 
whatsoever ye would that men should do unto 
you, do ye unto them likewise." She hears 
them say the simple hymns they have already 
learned, and teaches them more. At length 
she bends over them as they kneel, and silently 
blesses and intercedes for them, while in suc- 
cession, or with blended voices, they repeat 
their evening prayer. 

What language can describe the sacred 
power of such domestic scenes as this, which 
are of common occurrence in the Christian 
homes of New England ? How can they fail 
to make a lasting impression upon every heart 
in the little circles they embrace, — to leave 
upon every character an influence which never 
can be wholly dissipated ? Not, indeed, upon 
all an equal influence ; for, even at the begin- 
ning of life, the quality of the moral soil differs 
in different hearts. The mother sows the same 
good seed, with the same pious care, in the 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



13 



minds of all her children. She plants it in each 
with prayer, nurtures it with equal love, and 
waters it with impartial tears. But she finds 
among them — whatever the explanation may 
be — an unequal measure of receptivity of 
spiritual truth. All may be benefited, but 
not to the same extent. The seed may sooner 
or later germinate, but in some fields more 
slowly. No heart may be wilfully closed 
against the heavenly doctrine ; but one is more 
docile and open to it than the rest. It seems 
all prepared for the reception of a spiritual 
faith. It embraces it eagerly. It drinks in 
the holy influence. The incorruptible seed 
sinks at once into a congenial soil. Every 
word from the Bible or the hymn-book drops 
from the mother's lips into its depths. One 
countenance, she is sure, will always be look- 
ing up to her with the most reverential atten- 
tion when she names the name of God. One 
mild, deep eye will always expand and moisten 
when she tells of the love and sorrows of the 
Redeemer. One brow will be shaded with 



14 



PORTRAIT OF A 



sadness at the story of human sufferings and 
wrongs ; one face, radiant as an angel's, when 
she describes the joys and glories of the home 
in heaven. 

She of whom I am writing was such a child as 
this. Such is the likeness of Maria in her early 
days, which hangs in her mother's memory. 

I have not drawn upon fancy in connect- 
ing the beginning of her religious life with a 
little picture of domestic worship at the hour 
of twilight. To such a scene and such an 
hour, in one of my last conversations with her, 
she herself traced back her Christian experi- 
ence, fixing there the date of her earliest 
religious impression. " My love for God and 
my love for my mother," she said, " are of an 
equal date ; at least, so far as I can remember. 
My most distant recollection associates her 
with Him. As far back as I can look, I see 
her sitting in her chair by the window, at the 
close of a summer day, with a countenance full 
of devotion, repeating to us beautiful hymns, 
and teaching us of our heavenly Father." 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



15 



What a beautiful gate through which to en- 
ter into the path of peace ! Perhaps it is that 
through which, more frequently than any other, 
the heavenly road is entered. How blessed 
are they, who, having been ushered into it 
through such a gate, never afterwards wander 
away from it, or loiter in pursuing it ! 

She never wandered away from it. She was 
always a religious child. Yet it must not be 
inferred that she met with no hinderances in 
her upward path ; that she had nothing to con- 
tend against in herself ; that a good natural 
disposition and religious nurture were suffi- 
cient for her. She did not become a Christian 
without effort and struggle : no human being 
ever did. Though the conflict in some souls 
may be more secret, though the battle may be 
without noise and observation, yet all the faith- 
ful must fight for the crown, and none can 
wear it without having overcome. 

Little as it might have been suspected by 
those who only saw her in her maturity, when 
her nature had been softened and refined by 



16 



PORTRAIT OF A 



the spirit of Jesus, her peculiar hinderance in 
following Christ was that which is perhaps the 
hardest of all to conquer, — a stubborn will. 
With all her religious susceptibility, with all 
her tenderness and quickness of conscience, 
with all her warmth of affection, was combined 
an unusual obstinacy and pertinacity of will. 
To subdue this, to bring it into entire subjec- 
tion and submissive obedience to the will of 
God, constituted the great struggle of her 
life. 

In allusion to this quality of her nature, her 
mother remarked to her one day, towards the 
close of her life, " Maria, how much religion 
has done for you !" — " Yes, indeed, mother," 
she replied; " every thing, every thing." 

If there were no other evidence of the en- 
tireness of the sway w^hich religious faith had 
over her heart, and the thoroughness of the 
work it had done upon her nature, the com- 
plete and childlike yielding-up of her own 
will, which was one of the most marked and 
beautiful manifestations of the last years of 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



17 



her life, would have been enough. I have 
never seen a deeper and sweeter submission. 
I attributed it, in part, to natural pliability 
and gentleness ; and was never more impressed 
with the transforming power of the love of 
Christ than when I learned from her parents 
the fact concerning her original temper, to 
which I have referred. The faith which can 
do that for a heart, can, indeed, do every thing. 
To the principle which can accomplish such a 
transformation in human nature, nothing is 
impossible. 

At the age of ten years, she left her na- 
tive place, New London, Connecticut, for the 
town of Tolland, in the same State ; from 
whence her parents, soon after, removed to 
Springfield, Massachusetts. In Tolland she 
met with several companions of about the 
same age, whose young hearts sympathized 
with her own in lively interest in religion. 
With them she was accustomed to meet, from 
time to time, for reading the Bible, and prayer. 
Though of a sociable disposition, of an in- 

2 



18 



PORTRAIT OF A 



quiring mind, and fond of nature, she loved 
more than all things else to converse on 
religious subjects, and to engage in acts of 
devotion. Her questions regarding the rela- 
tion of the soul to God, and the truths of 
revelation, indicated a degree of spiritual 
faith and knowledge beyond her years. Yet 
her piety was fresh and unaffected. It was 
evident, without being obtrusive ; earnest, but 
at the same time easy ; decided, yet perfectly 
childlike. 

On one of the first pages of her diary, writ- 
ten many years ago, are these lines, truly and 
happily descriptive of the intensity of her 
religious longings in those early days : — 

" There cannot be 
On earth a joy so pure and high, 
As when the soul to God would flee, 
And communes with eternity; 
Draws from the living springs its bliss, 
And turns to heaven for happiness." 

While residing at Springfield, from about 
her twelfth to her sixteenth year, it was her 
privilege to enjoy the pastoral instruction of 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



19 



the Rev. W. B. 0. Peabody, D.D., a man of 
equal genius and piety, whose name we can 
never mention without affectionate respect, 
mingled with a sad and tender interest. For 
the sake of greater quiet, as well as to gratify 
his charming taste for nature, he had built, 
for his study, a little lodge in his garden. In 
this retreat, only a privileged few ventured to 
intrude upon him ; but, having discovered in 
our young friend an unfeigned and unusual 
interest in religious inquiries, and having 
become affectionately interested in the deve- 
lopment of a character so full of promise, he 
extended to her a cordial invitation to visit 
him there, without knocking for admission, 
whenever she might need his counsel, or 
desire to converse with him ; kindly assuring 
her that her quiet presence would never be an 
interruption. 

The following letter, written by Dr. Pea- 
body some years after Maria's removal to 
Boston, not only shows how highly he regarded 
her, but reveals the beautiful resignation with 



20 



PORTRAIT OF A 



which he bore those sad bereavements which 
overthrew all his earthly happiness : — 

" Springfield, June 14, 1844. 
"I was very much gratified, my dear Maria, to 
receive your kind letter, and to find myself remem- 
bered with any degree of interest and regard. I 
should have kept up my acquaintance with you, 
had I been situated, w 7 ith respect to Boston, as I 
was in former days : but the changes of life have 
removed so many of my former friends, that, for 
years past, I have been in the city only as a pass- 
ing stranger ; going through it on my way to some 
other place, but never making any thing winch 
could be called a visit. Should I be there for any 
length of time, it would give me great pleasure to 
call on you. I am happy to find that you retain 
any pleasant recollections of your stay in Spring- 
field. You are better situated for all kinds of 
improvement than when you was here; but it is 
very gratifying to me to be assured, that you think 
you derived some benefit from your intercourse 
with me. 

"I have been visited with desolating changes, 
wdiich showed clearly to my own mind how essen- 
tial religion is to all the comfort and security of 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



21 



life, and at the same time how powerful it is to 
sustain when every thing else gives way. There 
could not be a more entire overthrow of all my 
happiness in life ; but I have never, for one 
moment, distrusted the kindness of my heavenly 
Father, — I have never wished it otherwise. I 
have found that the strong filial feeling is the great 
support of the mourner. No prospect of re-union, 
no vision of heaven, no one of those subjects of 
consolation which are commonly presented, is of any 
avail : while, if we have the true childlike feeling 
of love and confidence, we see that God is kinder 
to us than we are to ourselves ; and while many 
things which we bring upon ourselves are only 
evil, and that continually, every thing which He 
assigns us will, if we receive it aright, result in 
immortal blessing. I doubt not, that when, in the 
order of Providence, you are called to endure those 
afflictions from which no human life can be entirely 
free, you will find that the same faith which you now 
cherish will be all you need to give you strength. 
It has been so with me. In place of every earthly 
hope, which withers, a heavenly one will grow. 

" It has given me great pleasure to see your sister, 
though I have not been able to see as much of her 
as I could wish. My loss of those on whose cheer- 



22 



PORTRAIT OF A 



ful energy and faithful affection I once depended, 
increases my cares and anxieties a hundred-fold, 
and makes large demands upon my time. I hope 
to have the pleasure of seeing you here at some 
time not distant. You will find the village greatly 
changed ; but you will find no change in my regard 
for you. 

" I thank you again for writing to me, my dear 
Maria. Will you give my best remembrances to 
your father and mother? and believe me 
" Affectionately yours, 

" William B. 0. Peabody." 

My own acquaintance with Miss Clapp com- 
menced in 1836, immediately after her family 
took up their abode in Boston. She was then 
in her sixteenth year. There was something in 
her appearance, which, at first sight, attracted 
attention, and awakened a lively interest. Her 
manner was quiet and modest, and at the same 
time, for so young a person, impressively ear- 
nest. Her eye was mild and pleasant, yet 
serious and very deep. Her countenance had 
that peculiar spiritual beauty — the highest 
beauty — which can only be imparted by a 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



23 



soul of the purest aspirations and a heart of 
the sweetest affections. Her very look pre- 
sented a silent but irresistible appeal to a 
pastor's sympathy and confidence. I have fre- 
quently heard others remark, as I have always 
felt, that her face was like that of an angel. 
The teachers of the Sunday school, the mem- 
bers of the Society who have seen her at 
religious meetings, and strangers who have 
visited the vestry or the church, have been 
struck with its peaceful and heavenly expres- 
sion. The best thoughts uttered from the 
desk of the conference-room, or from the chair 
of the parlor, in evenings of Christian commu- 
nion, were always reflected by her responsive 
look, — sometimes even suggested by the deli- 
cate spiritual irradiation of her countenance. 

Her sabbath-school teacher from 1886 to 
1841 writes concerning her impressions of 
Maria during that period, as follows : — 

"It is indeed a heartfelt satisfaction to me to 
add my testimony to the pure and saintly character 
of my former pupil. My connection with her is one of 



24 



PORTRAIT OP A 



the brightest spots in my existence. I could esteem 
nothing so precious as to be assured, that I had been 
an humble instrument, through the divine favor, of 
aiding her in pursuing that eminent Christian course 
which she has recently finished. If I have done her 
any good, it has been returned to me fourfold, inas- 
much as I have received from her far more than I 
could ever have imparted, through her consistent, 
harmonious, beautiful life. I cannot recall many 
facts relating to her while in my class ; but, from the 
confused remembrances of the past, her sweet, affec- 
tionate smile beams distinctly upon me still. I shall 
never forget that look : it will linger with me for 
ever. It always blessed me when we met after she 
had grown up, as it did when she was but a child. 
It will be cherished amongst the choicest of the 
treasures of memory. As a scholar, she was faith- 
ful in every duty ; most punctual and exact. If but 
one was present, I was sure to welcome her. If at 
any time I felt discouraged, I was animated to go on 
by her loving interest in her studies and in her 
teacher, and even for her sake alone." 

At a very early period in her life, our friend 
had felt a strong desire to make an open con- 
fession of Christ, and to unite herself with the 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



25 



church. In her tenth year, she had expressed 
such a wish to her mother ; but that judicious 
friend advised her to delay such a step till 
she should have become more thoroughly esta- 
blished in Christian knowledge, as well as faith 
and resolution ; in the mean time, encoura- 
ging her to remain and witness the celebration 
of the Lord's Supper, that she might enjoy the 
influences of that affecting and holy scene, 
and partake, in heart and spirit, if not in 
form, at the commemorative table. 

This early desire, under Christian nurture 
and instruction, grew warmer and deeper with 
her advancing life ; till, in her eighteenth 
year, after several conversations with her 
pastor, in which she manifested the deepest 
humility, mingled with an undoubting confi- 
dence in the Saviour's strength, she took upon 
herself, in the presence of the assembled 
church, the sublime vows of a disciple. The 
event is thus noticed in her journal : — 

" May 27, 1838. — I acknowledged myself to be 
a disciple of my Saviour, and united myself with the 



26 



PORTRAIT OF A 



Second Church in Boston, under the pastoral care 
of Rev. Mr. R. Oh that my whole future life may 
prove my sincerity ! and may I never look back, but 
press onward, never trusting in my own strength ! 

Lord, in the strength of grace, 
With a glad heart and free, 
Myself, my residue of days, 
I consecrate to thee. 

Thy ransomed servant, I 
Restore to thee thine own; 
And, from this moment, live or die 
To serve my God alone. 



The sweet, the solemn hour is past ! 

I now am Christ's ! — and not alone 

By parents' wish and baptism's seal, 
But by the solemn vows I own, 

By the free choice, and faith I feel. 
Yes, thine, dear Lord ! Be this my lot ! 

To thee I am for ever given : 
The grave and death divide us not ; 

My heart from thee shall ne'er be riven." 

How sincere she was in this self-dedication, 
how faithful in her purpose " never to look 
back, but to press onward," her whole subse- 
quent life has proved. 

For the Lord's Supper, as a means of reli- 
gious growth and comfort, no one could have 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



27 



a more lively attachment, or a more profound 
regard. We all saw and knew by her example, 
as well as by her conversation, that she greatly 
loved this service of commemoration. No 
young person who ever enjoyed her instruction 
can fail to remember the frequency and ear- 
nestness with which she commended to them 
this duty of gratitude, this privilege of dis- 
cipleship. But no one can fully understand 
the depth and warmth of her attachment to it, 
or her sense of the benefit and blessings of 
which it had been the instrument to herself, 
who has not read the pages of her diary. 
Almost every communion-day has some record 
there, in words glowing with gratitude and 
holy love ; and every record is the memorial 
of a new consecration of herself to her Re- 
deemer. 

" Communion Day. — Blessed service ! holy, 
priceless festival ! ... It is my greatest privilege. 
It has had such an influence upon my life as I am 
unable to describe. It has been as an angel to me, 
to guide, to warn, to strengthen, to bless me, ever 



28 



PORTRAIT OP A 



since I came, by God's gracious persuasion, under 
its hallowing and protecting influence." 

" May 28. — Hallowed and peaceful commemo- 
rative sabbath ! thou dost bid my soul pause, and 
look back ; thou hast called me to a fresh consecra- 
tion. My soul, forget not thy promise when thou 
didst take that 6 cup of remembrance,' — when 
thou didst reach forth thy hand to raise it, and kiss 
it with thy lips ! My Father, help me to keep those 
vows. May this new Christian year upon which I 
now enter be all given to my Saviour ! Living or 
dying, may I be thine ! I yield this unworthy self 
once more to thee. Let me never, never, wander 
more. O blessed Saviour! wilt thou come and take 
up thy abode with me? Cleanse me from these 
easily besetting sins. The future of my life I give 
to thee. Thou wilt keep me. 6 Lord, I believe : 
help thou mine unbelief.' " 

" September, 1844. — Have attended church. My 
feelings to-day have, for the most part, seemed to me 
like the weather. It has been dark and rainy ; no 
sun ; all gloomy and dreary. So, in the forenoon, 
did I feel. I could not raise myself from the dead- 
ness of spirit which weighed me down. I listened 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



29 



attentively to the words of the preacher. They gra- 
dually revived my soul. They said to me, ' Be not 
cast down, be not disquieted, even though thou hast 
sinned. Pour out thy heart to God ; offer the sacri- 
fice of a contrite spirit ; ask of him forgiveness in 
the name of his blessed Son ; ask, and it shall be 
given thee.' I did ask. 6 1 sought the Lord, and he 
heard me.' By degrees my spirit revived. 6 I looked 
unto him, and was lightened ; and he delivered me 
from my fears.' I asked for strength, and he 
4 strengthened me with strength in my soul.' I 
endeavored to forget myself by remembering the 
Lord, and feeling his presence. 

" My heart was touched, as, at the close of the day, 
we gathered at the table of our dying Lord, when 
the preacher said, on presenting the cup, 6 Disciples 
of Jesus Christ, take this cup,' &c. That word dis- 
ciple never sounded so significant and so dear to me. 
Delightful, precious thought ! — a disciple of Christ, 
his pupil, his little scholar, under his tuition, his 
nurture, his faithful and gentle instruction and care. 
My eyes filled with grateful and affectionate tears 
that that name could be applied to me, mingled 
with tears of shame that I so poorly deserved it. I 
have a desire to be a Christian ; but my conscience 
tells me I am not, in the truest sense. I have 



30 



PORTRAIT OP A 



endeavored the last six years to be a follower of 
Christ, and in those years have been the happiest 
moments of my life ; and, if ever a shade of gloom 
has passed over my countenance, it has been only on 
account of my own shortcomings. It is this which 
has saddened my heart to-day. But never, never, 
will I absent myself from the communion-table, so 
long as I can find there such sympathy and encourage- 
ment as I have found to-day, and always, always, do 
receive, in that hallowed scene." 

" Dec. 1, Sabbath Eve. — To-day completes an- 
other year of my fleeting existence. My birthday ! 
Twenty-four years have passed. It seems but a little 
while. On almost every return of this anniversary, 
I have paused to reflect upon the past, and to resolve 
for the future. So would I now. I attended church 
this afternoon. It was a season of communion. I 
felt happy that I had the privilege of sitting at that 
table on this first day of my new year. May the 
thoughts and impressions of that hour abide with 
me ! 

" I would endeavor, the coming year, to live nearer 
to God, to realize his constant presence, and to love 
him with an undivided love. As year after year is 
added to my life, I feel more and more the impor- 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



31 



tance of attending to the concerns of the immortal 
soul — that alone which is truly ourselves — while 
young. It shall be my endeavor so sincerely to 
imbibe the spirit of my Saviour, that I shall win my 
pupils, my brothers and sisters, to be his disciples, — 
learners of Christ. Why is it that the young are not 
more frequently encouraged and invited to come and 
sit at the table which is richly furnished for all ? 
Could a young person partake at that 'feast of 
love,' and not have his heart quickened and made 
to burn within him as he thought of Jesus, the 
friend from heaven, who died for him ? No, it can- 
not be." 

■ 

"Aug. 27, 1842. — I feel an inexpressible debt 
of gratitude for the rich spiritual blessings I have 
enjoyed this day. Oh, how lovely does the character 
of Jesus appear, when we meditate upon it! I love 
to have that dear Saviour the theme of discourse 
always, but especially when about to comply with 
his last request, 'This do in remembrance of me.' 
I would not exchange for worlds the happiness I 
feel while at the table of my Lord, his guest; 
and though I feel my sinfulness, and know I am 
unworthy to bear the Christian name, yet I feel that 
he is always ready with outstretched arms to receive, 



32 



PORTRAIT OP A 



forgive, and bless all who in humility and sincerity 
come unto him." 

"June, 1845. — Another precious season of com- 
munion have I enjoyed. Truly these are spiritual 
feasts. Any soul need not hunger and thirst, could 
it only come and receive this food divine. My soul 
has been fed with manna from heaven as oft as I 
have sat at the Saviour's table. To-day, when I went 
to it, I could not at first fix my thoughts as I wished ; 
but I trusted in the power of that holy scene to do 
it for me. I trusted and expected to receive from it 
the blessing our dear Lord left in and upon it for 
his lowly disciples. I knew and felt that I should 
derive good from it. And I did. It drew my 
thoughts, sweetly, there where I vainly tried to fix 
them. It spread a holy calmness over my mind. It 
diffused a blessed peace into my soul." 

"June 1. — Have just spent one of the most 
solemn and interesting evenings I ever enjoyed. 
The pastors and communicants of our churches 
united together in the celebration of the Lord's Sup- 
per at Rev. Dr. G.'s church. The lower part of the 
house was entirely filled with the professed disciples 
of Jesus. I was vividly reminded of that hour when 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



33 



all who shall have continued faithful to their profes- 
sion shall meet around the throne of God. The 
sermon was short and impressive, reaching the 
heart ; and must have aroused all to examine them- 
selves. Delightful hymns were selected, and sung 
by the congregation. As the bread and the cup 
passed round from one to another, what thoughts 
filled the mind ! some of them never to be forgot- 
ten. 0 holy, happy season ! may our future lives 
be influenced by this hour ! I did not want to leave. 
It did not seem like earth. But I remember, these 
are only refreshments in the Christian's course. We 
must come down from the mount, and enter the busy 
scenes of life ; meet again with temptation and trial. 
I remember that we are now to go on, and prove by 
our lives our faith and love, — prove that we are 
Christ's disciples. All felt the solemn influence of 
the hour. But few words were spoken among the 
little group of friends with whom I walked home : 
each seemed to desire to be left to enjoy holy 
thoughts in secrecy and silence." 

Such sentiments as these occur continually 
in the record of her meditations on the days of 
communion. There is one other entry in her 
diary, bearing upon that sacred occasion, and 

3 



34 



PORTRAIT OF A 



illustrative of the same feelings of deep attach- 
ment to the Lord's Supper to which reference 
has been already made, which I cannot suffer 
myself to leave unnoticed in this connection. 
It seems to me very beautiful , not only for the 
devotional spirit it breathes, but also as a 
description. 

" May 30. — Sweet, sacred sabbath ! welcome 
have been thy hours of worship and of communion. 
This anniversary is dearer to me than all others, 
dearer than my birthday and than any festival, 
because it marks and recalls the day of my sweet 
and solemn covenant with Jesus, of perpetual 
love and trust. Often, often, has my soul been re- 
vived and refreshed, and more ardent desires after 
holiness been awakened, as I have sat in the stillness 
and quiet of the sabbath afternoon at the table of the 
dear Lord, to whom I have joined and committed 
myself, my all. How gently has he led me by the 
silken cords of love ! how abundantly has he ful- 
filled his promise to me, — to keep and to restore my 
soul, and lead me in green pastures ! 

u To-day I again enter 6 my Father's house.' As 
I advance towards my accustomed seat, I see the old 
and the young assembled to worship God. Silence 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



35 



reigns. What thoughts fill the mind! what emo- 
tions swell in the heart! As I look around upon 
faces over which reverence spreads its calm and ele- 
vated expression, methinks, here and there, true 
hearts are disposing themselves to worship in spirit 
and in truth, and silently are praying for the 
presence and blessing of God upon the sacred duties 
about to be performed. Soon the silence is sweetly 
broken by the tuneful peal of the organ, as the earth- 
ly shepherd of the assembled flock ascends the 
sacred desk, causing our hearts to swell with grati- 
tude and praise. A portion of God's holy word is 
then read. The minister is seated. The voice of 
the organ is again heard, in soft and subdued tones, 
inviting and helping the mind to meditate on the 
divine truths which have been uttered, and preparing 
it to engage in the succeeding act of devotion, when 
our pastor shall stand up, and say, in reverential 
and persuasive tones, 6 Let us pray.' The hymn 
of praise is then sung. And now the words of the 
text are heard, — 6 1 came not to condemn the world, 
but to save the world. 9 Our hearts are then led to 
the Saviour, and fastened on him. Another brief 
prayer, a doxology, and a benediction. But, before 
the benediction, a sweet invitation is given from the 
pulpit to a participation at the table of our common 



36 



PORTRAIT OF A 



Lord, to the dear and sacred rite in commemoration 
of the Saviour who died for us. But why, why, does 
any one go away ? Why do not all remain ? Is 
not that Saviour dear to all ? 

" They have departed. Sadly have we seen them 
rise, and go away. May the peace of Christ, which 
has been invoked upon all of us, go with them, and 
remain with them, and at length, by the power of its 
sweetness, draw them unto him, so that they shall 
never be willing to turn from him again, or from 
any thing that is associated with his remembrance, 
or emblematical of Iris spirit and his grace ! 

" But they have departed. The door is shut ; 
and we are left, a little band of Christ's disciples, 
faint ourselves, but pursuing ; not more worthy, per- 
haps, than others, but loving much, because we feel 
that we are forgiven much ; coming near and clinging 
fast to our Lord and Master, because we have felt 
how weak we are, how kind and strong he is, and 
that, separated from him, we cannot stand nor rest. 

" Lo, Christ is here ! Thoughts of the world, 
begone ! this is no place for you. Cares and 
pleasures of earth, be far from the mind! This 
ground is holy. Disciple of Jesus, thou art drawing 
near in spirit to thy Saviour ; thou hast come up into 
the mount to see his glory and his beauty through 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



37 



these sacred veils. Wait for his peaceful influence 
to proceed from these memorials which he has con- 
secrated and blessed for thee. Listen till the voice 
of the Son of God speaks to thy heart from these 
hallowed emblems. 

" Thou hast now eaten of the broken bread, and 
pressed to thy lips the ' cup of blessings.' Oh, now, 
as thou descendest from the mount, may thy body, fed 
with this divine food, use all its members as servants 
of purity and righteousness ! As thou goest out to 
the world, may these lips bless, and not injure ; 
speak words of truth and peace and mercy ; be wholly 
attuned to the praises of God and the Lamb ! 

" Now we have sung our parting hymn, and, 
covered with a heavenly benediction, leave the sanc- 
tuary. ... But here is one who has remained, not 
to partake with us at the table, but to sit apart, 
and, from a distance, to survey the scene. 6 And 
why, dear friend,' I say, taking her by the hand, ' why 
do you not join our company ? why do you not feed 
with us on the food divine ? why do you not come 
closer to the dear Redeemer in faith, and take 
your portion as a guest ? ' — ' I am not worthy,' is her 
reply : 6 if I were good enough, oh how gladly would 
I stay ! ' — ' Alas ! ' I rejoined, ' neither am I worthy, 
neither are any of us worthy. Ask each of those 



38 PORTRAIT OF A 

who have just left the supper, you would have the 
same answer, " Neither am I good enough." Who is 
good enough to claim a place at the feast of Jesus, 
in the bosom of the spotless Lord ? But, my dear 
sister, for myself I can say, never, never, can I be 
grateful enough that the power of the Saviour's 
invitation conquered my own reluctance, on account 
of my sense of unworthiness. Never can I be grate- 
ful enough that his encouraging call, and his in- 
spiriting promise, " Lo, it is I ; be not afraid ! 99 
overpowered the suggestions of my own timid mind 
and all the doubts of mv self-distrusting heart, and 
drew me, compelled me, to come near and join my- 
self to him and to the company of his confessed 
disciples.' Thus, and in many more such words, as 
we walked homeward, I expressed to her my feel- 
ings, and told her of the strength and comfort I 
had found; and, as we parted, pressed her hand 
warmly, for my heart yearned towards her soul, and 
said, 6 Think of these things.' It may be that her 
heart is touched, and that she will be induced to 
enroll her name amongst the confessers of Christ. 
O Father in heaven, lead her, lead all whom I love, 
to thy blessed Son! May he draw all men unto 
him!' , 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



39 



In connection with Miss Clapp's ardent at- 
tachment to the Lord's Supper, I cannot 
forbear to mention another interesting feature 
of her religious experience, which has im- 
pressed me as I have turned over the pages of 
her journal. I allude to the entireness and 
frequency of her self-dedication to God. On 
every communion-sabbath, as has been already 
hinted, often at other times, invariably at the 
beginning of the year, and on her birth- 
days, and, with hardly an exception, on the 
anniversary of her admission to the church, 
there are records which show that she renewed 
her vows of consecration with ever-deepening 
self-examination and self-surrender. 

This is, indeed, a great and solemn act of 
filial duty to God, although to many persons 
a dreaded duty. Many Christians speak of it 
often, and earnestly recommend it to others ; 
but few, it is to be feared, heartily perform it 
for themselves. Strange that it should be so 
hard to give ourselves up to Him who already 
has us wholly in his power ! to offer our willing 



40 



PORTRAIT OF A 



service to Him whom it is vain and perilous 
to disobey, but whose " service is perfect free- 
dom " ! to put away all feelings of alienation 
against Him who created and sustains us, 
who has given us whatever good things we 
possess, and promised us all good things, 
without measure and without end, if we 
will trust and love him ! to consent to re- 
nounce w T hat offends our heavenly Father, 
and only makes ourselves miserable, and so to 
enter into a blessed state of reconciliation and 
loving fellowship with the greatest and best, 
the infinitely Good, and enjoy him and be near 
to him for ever ! Strange that it should be, 
or rather seem, so hard ! But, hard as it may 
seem, it is no less a sublime joy than a solemn 
duty. It lies at the foundation of a true and 
blessed life. 

Our humble friend sincerely discharged this 
duty. The result we saw : the cause we could 
not see while she lived. It was revealed only 
to Him who seeth the Christian in his closet, 
and rewardeth openly his secret vows by the 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



41 



beautiful fruits of righteousness. The result 
we partially saw, in her pure life, in her 
peaceful death. But she herself realized it, 
even on earth, — how much more than we 
could see ! — in the spiritual joy she experi- 
enced in her last days, which she said was 
beyond expression deep. 

Now that she is dead, and her meek spirit 
can no longer hide the record of its sacred 
acts, shall the veil be lifted from before them ? 
Only with a feeling of sacredness ; only for the 
help of others, not for her praise. 

"May 2 9. — The return of the sacred anniver- 
sary-sabbath calls me to solemn reflection. Deeper 
and holier may my desires be, O my Father, this 
year, — if thou permittest me to live, — to please 
thee ! 

" I have to-day consecrated myself anew to the 
service of my Eedeemer. I have entered into 
covenant — formally in the presence of my sabbath- 
school class, and secretly at the commemorative 
table — to be wholly the Lord's, in word, thought, 
and action. O God ! in thy strength alone do I 
trust. Keep me from violating these covenant- 



42 



PORTRAIT OF A 



vows. 6 Ob ! draw me, Father, after thee ; so shall 
I run, and never tire/ I will seek to advance the 
kingdom of God in the hearts of all I can influ- 
ence, in memory of Jesus, who has done so much 
for me." 

Jan. 12. — My mind has been exercised in a 
peculiar manner to-day, while reading the Memoir 
and Sermons of my former beloved pastor, — Rev. 
Dr. Peabody, of Springfield. I have been led to 
look into and through my heart ; and oh, my Father 
in heaven, how unclean it must appear to thy holy 
eye ! But, O God ! thou knowest my desire, and 
thou hast again listened to my petition for strength 
to live wholly to thee. I have resolved to have all 
my actions performed with reference to the will of 
God ! I am resolved that no day shall pass without 
my having done an act of kindness to some of God's 
creatures. I am resolved to overcome my prone- 
ness to selfishness. And what I do is not to obtain 
the approbation of God, but to show my heavenly 
Father that I would do his will." 

" Nov. 7. — Desires are rising, of late, more and 
more in my heart, which I fain would cherish, — 
desires for a nearer approach to the Saviour ; of 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 43 

a more intimate communion with my heavenly 
Father ; that my wishes may centre in what God 
requires ; that I may ask, first of all and only, 
' Lord, what wouldst thou have me to do ? ' With 
help from on high, the present week shall be en- 
tirely spent for eternity. Whether I eat or drink, 
or whatever I do, I will do all as for the glory of 
God. My own strength is weak. O my Father, 
may thy will be mine ! May I love thee, and devote 
to thee the life thou hast given ! In the hour of 
temptation, may thy strength be made perfect in my 
weakness ! May I say to every tempter, 6 Get thee 
behind me, Satan ! ' And then, as the soul's adver- 
sary shall flee from the rebuke of one who is conscious 
of a sincere desire to be wholly thine, may angels of 
peace and purity hover around to minister to thy 
child in the eventful hour ! " 

" Dec. 5, 1846. — My heavenly Father, this 
night I humbly seek to love thee, to serve thee, to 
devote to my Saviour the life thou hast given. 

" In the house of God this afternoon, at the close 
of the sermon, I was about making a resolution to 
devote, in a solemn manner, — in the secret silence 
of my soul, surrounded by the worshippers of God, 
— myself to God more unreservedly than I had 



44 



PORTRAIT OF A 



ever done. The last two lines awakened the 
thought. I could not resolve. A spell seemed to 
be upon my will. Every thing around was calm ; 
the sanctuary a fitting place ; in the presence-cham- 
ber of God ; praying souls around me, and yet mine 
alone with God; voices of praise ascending to his 
throne ; and yet my will was holden. The parting 
hymn was nearly finished : still I hesitated. The 
thought, that, when the service ended, other feelings 
and thoughts might intrude to banish the hallowed 
monition, to drown the holy whisper, made me feel 
that I should not 4 quench the Spirit.' My heart 
rallied its powers : the spell was broken, and I 
inwardly resolved to 'live or die to God,' as the 
choir were singing those very lines. Shall I suc- 
ceed ? Not in mine own strength. I will flee to the 
Rock that is higher than I." 

" March 5. — There is a difference, a rich variety, 
in our sabbaths : and yet all sabbaths are alike ; 
for they all remind us of the eternal sabbath of 
rest prepared for all who love God. To-day I have 
been spiritually fed by the counsels of Rev. Mr. 

, from the text, 6 If any man will come after 

me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross 
daily, and follow me.' Oh, how those words im- 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



45 



pressed me ! Alas ! self, self, how it comes in the 
way! I have again been awakened to a sense of 
duty. Oh, I would cherish to my dying hour the 
hallowed associations of this day ! I have partaken 
at the commemorative table ; the bread and wine, 
emblems of my Saviour's sufferings for love and for 
righteousness' sake, have again been displayed be- 
fore my eyes, and received into my lips. If he 
bore the ignominy and the agony of the cross for 
the good of others ; was bruised for our iniquities, 
and chastised for our peace, — shall not I, in my 
daily life, take up my little cross, and deny myself; 
counting it all joy to prove, in every act, my desire 
to please the Father ? 

" Such, then, is my resolve from this moment. 
God and my Saviour shall henceforth be my all-in- 
all. In the most trivial act of every-day life, I will 
be on my guard, and do it as for Him. Even the 
tone of my voice towards those who try me shall 
be for the glory of God. When perplexed at 
school, or disturbed at home, I must possess my 
soul in peace, — this soul consecrated -to Christ. I 
must be ready to yield up my own wishes and com- 
fort for others' good, and, so, meekly confess my Sa- 
viour's gentleness and disinterestedness, who, when 
he was reviled, reviled not again ; and who came, 



46 



PORTRAIT OF A 



not to be ministered unto, but to minister. I must 
suffer no feeling of unforgiveness to remain towards 
any ; not even a shade of unforgiveness towards 

, who has deeply wounded me, and marred the 

happiness of my friends ; but must teach my heart 
to love — — , and all others who may have offended 
me, that I may be perfect in the Christian spirit, 
and temper, wanting nothing. O my Father, grant 
these desires of my heart, forgive the past, and ac- 
cept my whole offering ! Amen." 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



47 



CHAPTER III. 

Christian Activity and Usefulness. Sunday School 
and Day School. Correspondence with her Young 
Pupils and Friends. 

One evidence of the genuineness of piety is 
an earnest desire and purpose to be useful. 
If we love God, we cannot be satisfied without 
serving him. If we love the Saviour, we shall 
be willing to w r ork for him, to teach his truth, 
to feed his lambs, to lead others to love and 
honor him. A selfish enjoyment of religion 
involves a contradiction. To desire to absorb 
the divine light is to close our souls to its illu- 
mination. To desire to appropriate the bread 
of God and the water of life to our personal 
sustenance and private delight is spiritual 
covetousness, the meanest and most offensive 
of all. That piety which is ever contemplat- 
ing itself, watching its own emotions, rejoicing 



48 



PORTRAIT OP A 



at its own increase, mourning over its dimi- 
nution, narrowly inspecting and carefully 
depicting its varying moods and shades, en- 
grossed in its own culture, uninterested in the 
moral condition of others, never forgetting 
itself in prayers and sacrifices for their spirit- 
ual benefit, — though it may fill sentimental 
diaries, and gain a fame for superior sanctity 
equal to its conceit, is worse than morbid and 
visionary : it is self-seeking, unchristian. We 
are only really going towards heaven when 
we are growing in love ; nor can we expect a 
cordial welcome at its golden gate, unless we 
are leading with us from the wilderness some 
lost brother to our Father's house, or bearing 
in our arms a stray lamb of the Saviour to lay 
as our love-offering in his bosom. 

Amongst the earliest and most charming 
manifestations of the religious spirit in the 
case of our friend was an ardent desire to 
minister, as a disciple of Jesus, to others. 
Mingled with such devotional aspirations as 
we have already noticed, there occur on 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



49 



nearly every page of her journal equally ear- 
nest expressions of wishes and purposes to be 
useful. 

" March 25. — Have been led to reflect upon 
the duty and importance of a life of active piety, of 
devoted usefulness. To this same subject my mind 
has been many times drawn of late. I have asked 
myself, 'Am I doing all the good in my power? 
What influence do I exert upon those around me ? 
Am I content to seek alone for the pearl of great 
price ? or am I endeavoring to lead others, by pre- 
cept and example, to the fold of Christ?' Most 
earnestly have I been led to examine the inmost 
recesses of my soul, to search after the selfishness 
that may taint my motives and mingle with my re- 
ligious purposes. O my Father, give me a clean 
heart ! The more earnestly I long after holiness 
myself, the more do I desire that all should partake 
of the happiness of loving and serving God. Let 
me watch for every opportunity of leading others 
onward, onward." 

"March 27, 1848. — A young person has come 
to me to-day for counsel and sympathy. The reli- 
gious life is dawning in her soul. Oh ! more than 
4 



50 



PORTRAIT OF A 



ever do I feel that I must be free from sin, that I 
may with a purer fire kindle the sacred flame of 
holy desire in this heart, which looks to me, and is 
open to my influence. That I may say the word in 
season is my earnest prayer." 

"June 10, 1842. — I have again returned from 
our ever-pleasant Friday-evening meeting. My 
heart has been animated and encouraged ; my ear- 
nest desires have been quickened. It was good for 
me to be there. 

" The remarks were upon the parable of the 
laborers in the vineyard. Oh, how encouraging, 
that even those who come at the last hour will be 
accepted ! — how encouraging, not only as showing 
the long-suffering mercy of our heavenly Father 
towards his dilatory creatures, but- also encouraging 
to those who are laboring for the conversion of 
others ! After having labored all clay, without suc- 
ceeding in bringing any to their Lord's service, 
they need not despair ; for perhaps, just towards 
night, at the eleventh hour, they may find some 
willing to take his yoke upon them. Or, after 
having tried, the first, second, and third time, to win 
the heart of some friend to Christ, and tried in vain, 
that very heart may be ready to come into his 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



51 



vineyard, if they will seek it still once more, even 
at the eleventh hour. 

" Oh that my heart may be more wholly given up 
to the blessed work of the Lord ! 

" Our pastor alluded to the subject of the last 
week's meeting, and mentioned the case of two 
individuals, — one an old, and the other a young 
person ; the former now on a journey, and the latter 
confined at home by sickness, — who had been so 
impressed that night, that they resolved, before re- 
tiring to rest, that they would lead a life of prayer. 
Yes, and it was by the same remarks that I was 
led to commence the practice of gathering my 
younger sisters and brother around me from time to 
time, to commend ourselves to God, to pray for his 
forgiveness, and that he would help us to be loving 
and faithful towards one another and towards him. 
I can truly say, the first attempts have done me 
good. Oh, may I persevere ! " 

In 1841, Miss Clapp became a teacher in 
the Hancock Sunday School connected with the 
Second Church, and soon after with the How- 
ard Sunday School associated with the Pitts- 
street Chapel. Her services in both were of 



52 



PORTRAIT OF A 



the highest value. No one ever labored more 
faithfully, few more successfully, for the 
Christian education of the young. To bring 
them to Christ was the purpose nearest to her 
heart. She regarded them as his lambs ; to be 
taught in his name, in his spirit, and for his 
sake ; to be fed with his truth, with the 
" sincere milk of the word," — not with the 
teacher's own notions, not with the wisdom of 
this world. From him she received her call, 
her commission to teach them, and for him 
she taught ; and not only by the lessons of 
the sabbath, but by her secret daily prayers 
on their behalf; by conversations and prayer 
with them, together or singly, at special sea- 
sons during the week ; and by her constant 
endeavor to sanctify herself, that her influence 
might be pure and powerful upon them. 

It was her custom also to write letters to 
her young friends from time to time, while 
they were under her immediate charge, and 
after they had left the school. A large 
number of these, which have been carefully 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



53 



preserved by those to whom they were ad- 
dressed, have been put into my hands. A 
few extracts from them will convey a better 
impression, than any words of mine, of the 
wise and elevated character and purely Chris- 
tian spirit of her instructions. I would venture 
also to hope, that the young persons under 
whose eyes they pass may feel the pure influ- 
ence of the spirit which they breathe ; and 
that, associating the sentiments expressed in 
them with the image of a sister who has 
herself walked blamelessly and triumphantly 
through the same path of earthly duties and 
temptations in which they are now travelling, 
they may be encouraged to live above the 
world, and to strive for a crown of light. 

" Dear A., — I would gladly comply with your 
request to write some mottoes, or something of the 
kind, which you could have near you to read occa- 
sionally, which might aid you in your endeavors to 
attain a truly spiritual character. But how difficult 
it is to do this for another ! because we cannot know 
the real condition of each other's inward life. I 



54 



PORTRAIT OF A 



hesitate, therefore, to lay down any rules or sugges- 
tions for you ; but if you will accept a few that I 
have a desire to remember and live by myself, and 
if they comfort you and aid and strengthen you as 
they have often me, I shall not regret that I sent 
them to you. 

" First and uppermost, I would realize the pro- 
mise of Jesus, 6 Lo, I am with you always/ 

" Duties are mine ; events, God's. 

" Be anxious for nothing, not even your own 
spiritual state. 

" Cast your burden, whatever it is, on the Lord. 

" After you have done a good deed, forget it. 

" Seek first the kingdom of heaven. 

"Let not your left hand know what your right 
hand doeth. 

" Dare to be thought singular, when you are act- 
ing conscientiously. 

" Seek not the Christian life that you may be 
happy, but seek it because it is God's will. Your 
happiness is certain : but think not too much of that ; 
forget self. 

" Do nothing to be seen of others. Show piety at 
home. 

"Bear and forbear. Be patient under difficul- 
ties. 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



55 



"Do not think too much of the approbation of 
others. 

" Be true to principle in little things as well as 
great. 

" God searches the heart : he desires truth in the 
inward parts. 

" Live for others. 

" Do not be afraid to look within : probe every 
secret corner of the heart ; do it prayerfully. 

" Tremble when you feel self-satisfied, lest there 
be some spiritual pride. 

" Don't feel elated when you are praised : God 
only knows the heart. 

" Having consecrated yourself, believe that you 
are accepted. 

" If the burden of sin or imperfections depresses 
your spirit, go right to the fountain of holiness, and 
4 wash and be clean.' 

" Lord, I believe : help my unbelief. 

" If we had no dear Redeemer, what a load we 
should have to carry ! < I'll drop my burden at his 
feet, and bear a song away.' 

" Lead the young to Christ. 

" Smile upon and speak to the poor and neglected, 
not patronizingly, but as to children of 'our Father.' 
" Pray much in secret : pray with and for others. 



56 



PORTRAIT OP A 



"Watch for opportunities to communicate the 
religious life- to others. 

" Examine yourself, your motives to action, every 
night. 

"Be pure in heart. Live by the moment. 
" Lord, what wouldst thou have me to do now? 
" Act conscientiously. Seek not honor one of 
another. 

" Crucify thyself. Take up thy cross daily. 

" Well, A., I might go on for some time : but I will 
add no more ; for no doubt they are familiar to you. 
But they often 'pass before my mind, and it is a strong 
desire of my heart to live according to them. By 
these, and others of a similar nature, am I constantly 
judging myself. May they meet the wants of my 
dear sabbath-school pupil ! 

" Yours truly, 

"Maria E. C." 

How could there be crowded into so snort 
a space more Christian truth and wisdom ? 
What a familiarity these maxims, written from 
memory, show with the purest fountains of 
spiritual knowledge, with the highest aspira- 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



57 



tions of the Christian life ! Can you not judge 
from such counsels somewhat of the value of 
the services of the writer to the young and 
to the church? 

The letters which follow were written at 
different periods and to different individuals. 

" My dear C, — It has been my practice to 
address a few lines to those I hold so dear, — the 
members of my sabbath class, — at the commence- 
ment of each new year. You have recently become 
a member. I cordially welcome you, and trust that 
the pleasant tie now formed between us may never 
be sundered. Will it not be pleasant to meet each 
sabbath, and, in friendly confidence, express to each 
other our desires for improvement, converse upon 
the precious truths of the gospel, and, hand in hand, 
walk onward and upward in the path that will lead 
us to 6 our Father ' ? It is my desire, C, so • to gain 
the confidence and love of my pupils, that they will 
express to me their thoughts freely, and feel towards 
me as to an elder sister. I look upon you as 
immortal spirits, destined for a higher state of exist- 
ence. With this in view, it is my aim not only to 
explain each lesson so that you may increase in 
intellectual knowledge, but I more than all desire 



58 



PORTRAIT OF A 



that each of you may become 6 followers of God as 
dear children.' The New Year dawns upon us : not 
a stain has yet sullied its record. Let its first hours 
find us resolving, that now, in the freshness and 
bloom of youth, we will endeavor to give our bright- 
est and happiest hours to Him who said, 6 Those 
who seek me early shall find me.' I know from 
experience how much pleasure even a child can 
enjoy in seeking 6 the Father,' and in trying to do 
his will. May God bless you, and incline you to 
love him ! 

" Accept this little book. It is written by Miss 
Dix, — a lady who imitates her Saviour by going 
about doing good. You, no doubt, have heard of her : 
she is a choice spirit. 

" I sincerely wish you a ' happy New Year.' 
" Yours in love, 

" Maria E. Clapp." 

"My dear H., — I returned from my pleasant 
visit to the country Friday evening, and found on 
the table a letter from my dear pupil, which I have 
read with the deepest interest. I thank you for 
writing, and for the expression of your religious 
emotions. Your experience, my dear pupil, is what 
many have passed through. As a little child, when 
it first begins to walk, leans upon its mother ; so, H., 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



59 



if we would lead a Christian life, we must lean upon 
Christ. I know you do desire to please God, and to 
be his dear child. May you cherish your present 
religious convictions ! They are the workings of 
God's Spirit within you : only obey its promptings. 
I can understand your feelings with regard to uniting 
with the church ; but, Hattie, don't allow them to 
influence you. Give your prayerful attention to the 
thought, that it is because you feel sinful, and apt 
to fall into temptation ; that it is because you are 
young, and have no strength of your own ; that it is 
because of these very things your Saviour has pro- 
mised to be all-sufficient for you. You are in the 
right state when you feel your sinfulness. None 
ever truly come to Jesus until they see how sinful 
they are. The well do not need a physician, but the 
sick. The members of a Christian church are those 
who have turned to Christ as the physician of their 
sin-sick souls. How few realize this ! Oh that our 
Saviour, who is standing with his arms of love to 
heal and bless, might receive more of the lambs of 
his flock, to shield them from the temptations that 
are around and within them ! I wish to write more, 
but have not been well the last day or two. 
" With love and interest, your teacher, 

" Maria E. C " 



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PORTRAIT OP A 



"Jan. 1. 

" To my Class. — My dear girls, accept my 
heartfelt thanks for the valuable token of your love 
which I received this morning. I was delighted not 
only with the book, but because I was remembered 
by you, and because I saw in the list of names some 
who no longer are able to meet with our class on the 
sabbath ; proving to me that they still have a place 
in their affections for me. I shall place it among 
my choicest treasures : it will awaken many tender 
recollections of the past and present members of my 
class in the Hancock Sunday School. 

" Oh, how I should like to meet you all once 
more together ! for some of my happiest seasons 
have been passed with you in conversation upon sub- 
jects connected with our spiritual interests. 

" To the past members, all of whom have made 
a consecration of themselves to our dear Redeemer, 
let me say, Go on, dear girls, in every Christian 
grace ; be not weary ; struggle on. 6 Nearer, still 
nearer to Christ,' be your continual motto. 

" And to you, my loved ones, who are still with 
me, some of whom have made choice of the Chris- 
tian life, and some of whom, I believe, are almost 
persuaded to yield their wills to the will of God, let 
me say, Onward! onward! Keep your eyes fixed 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



61 



upon Jesus: he is ever near to you. In all your 
struggles with temptation, look up. Let oar motto 
this year be, 6 Thy will be done/ 
" A happy New Year to all ! 

"Maria E. Clapp." 

" Dear F., — My warmest sympathies are with 
you, as you are now confined to your chamber with 
sickness. I do not think it well to intrude myself 
into a sick-room, unless I can do some good: so I 
shall visit you only through the instrumentality of a 
short letter. 

" May ' our Father's ' presence abide with you, 
and sweet and comforting thoughts of his love and 
care for you sustain and bless you ! 

" What a precious opportunity does the sick-room 
afford to rest ourselves upon the bosom of our dear 
Redeemer ! What peace and quiet come over the 
spirit ! The world, with its cares, anxieties, and per- 
plexities, shut out for a season, the influences of the 
Holy Spirit come over the soul to purify, elevate, 
and bless. 

" F., I always love to commune with you upon 
spiritual things, because you seem ever willing and 
desirous to converse with me upon themes which 
fill my own thoughts. May you be spared to us all, 
that we may enjoy from time to time still further 



62 



PORTRAIT OF A 



Christian interviews in the future ! Do not feel 
that you are doing no good, lying upon your sick- 
bed. God asks you to be willing to wait ; to rest 
from active labors a while ; to bear the burden of 
having your plans for a season frustrated. Are you 
willing ? Oh, yes ! I know you are : God's ways 
are best. I remember not long since saying to a 
Christian spirit, when I found I must give up even- 
ing meetings and one of my classes in the Sunday 
school, 6 Oh, I wish I could take charge of my 
class in the Howard Sunday School ! ' She sweetly 
replied, 6 Maria, God can do without your labors : 
don't you think so?' I felt the gentle reproof of 
that loved spirit, and said, ' Oh, yes ! true, true : I 
must not regret. We must take up whatever cross 
comes to us, leaving all events in the hands of 
God.' 

" But I may weary you ; and I am somewhat 
fatigued to-night : so I will close by wishing you a 
return to the enjoyment of health, and a good, good 
night. " Yours truly, 

" Maria E. C." 
"Jan. 1. 

" Dear C, — You know, that, a few sabbaths 
since, I requested the members of our class to inform 
me if they were willing to prepare themselves to 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



63 



become teachers. I have received an affirmative 
reply from one, and, before this letter is handed to 
you, shall probably receive your answer. I antici- 
pate that your reply will be the same. 

" One reason, to my mind, why there has not 
been more good done in the Sunday school is 
because teachers have hastily taken upon themselves 
the office, without sufficient preparation. It is, then, 
my object to aid you in this work of preparation. 
Whenever you shall assume the responsibility, let it 
be with right views and motives: let there be a 
strong and glowing conviction of the excellence and 
importance of the truths which you may teach. A 
love for knowledge, and a love to impart it, must first 
be felt by yourself : the aspirations which you would 
kindle up in the minds of your pupils must first be 
felt in your own mind. You must be what you teach. 
Much patience and perseverance will be necessary. 
I want you to count the cost. It will not be enough 
that you have acquired a certain amount of head- 
knowledge, and can clothe your thoughts in beautiful 
language. Your own character must give weight 
to your instructions. Your example will ever speak 
louder than your words. If ever I feel the need of 
living a perfect life, I feel it doubly in the relation I 
sustain as teacher. 



64 



PORTRAIT OP A 



" Will there not be an additional attraction for 
the Sunday school, this year, to my young pupils, in 
the feeling that you have something to live for, and 
that every step you take in the Christian life, every 
religious truth made clear to your own mind, is fit- 
ting you to become a guide to those whose minds are 
yet unformed ? 

" I thank you for the attention you have given me 
the past year. Our connection in the sabbath-class 
has been, thus far, happy. Let us endeavor, this 
year, to 1 increase in wisdom, and in favor with God 
and man.' 

" I wish yourself and family a happy New Year. 
" Yours truly, 

"Maria Elizabeth Clapp." 

" My dear C, — The many engagements of 
Anniversary Week have so occupied my thoughts, 
that I have not, as I intended, had time to express 
a few parting words of counsel, as you leave my 
class to assume the sacred office of teacher. I 
must, however, hastily utter the earnest wish, that 
you may be instrumental in leading the lambs of 
the flock to the fold of the Good Shepherd. You 
have consecrated yourself to him : oh ! C, draw 
the little children, who will now be placed under 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



65 



your guidance, to the Saviour. Don't go to them 
merely to hear them recite their lessons, but make 
those lessons the subject of conversation ; draw out 
their thoughts by asking familiarly all they have 
done through the week ; talk to them of Jesus ; make 
them Christ-like. C, a little child may be a disciple 
of Christ : may this be the aim of all your instruc- 
tions ! Let the hour you spend with your class be 
consecrated to this one object. 

" Go in faith, my dear pupil, to impart spiritual 
food. A great work is before you ; but don't shrink 
from it. You are now to help prepare immortal 
souls for immortality. Feed yourself continually 
upon the £ bread of life,' and then an influence shall 
go forth from you to bless them. 

" You will find some teachers who spend the 
hour in amusing their class by reading, or telling 
stories. These things are good in their places ; but 
the sabbath-hour and the sabbath-school teacher 
should be devoted to thoughts of God, of the soul, 
and of heaven. 

" Go to them fresh every sabbath from your 
closet; devote a portion of every week to a pre- 
paration for the Sunday's interview with your 
class ; bring before your mind each member of 
your class ; select the thoughts you intend for this 

5 



66 



PORTRAIT OF A 



or that one ; ask God to help you to say the right 
word at the right time ; seek the guidance of the 
Holy Spirit ; let the hour of preparation be an hour 
of self-examination. ■ 

" Oh, how much more have I upon my mind to 
say to you ! But you know my thoughts upon this 
subject. I will trust that your desire to do good, 
and your gratitude to Jesus, will prompt you in your 
efforts as a Sunday-school teacher. 

" And, now, must I say to one who has so long 
been with me, 6 Good-by ' f To one who has so 
many years been my pupil, and with whom I have 
enjoyed such freedom of spiritual communion, must 
I say, 6 Good-by ' ? Yes, to-day the relation of 
teacher and pupil is severed. I shall see you ; but 
our spirits will not have that close intercourse we 
have hitherto enjoyed. Shall our hearts, therefore, 
be sad ? No, no ; for my pupil has left, that she 
may be a laborer with me in the vineyard of the 
Lord. Go, C. : the prayers of my heart are for 
you. "Maria Elizabeth Clapp." 

" Sunday Eve, Feb. 23, 1845. 
" Friend L., — Allow me to express a few 
thoughts suggested by your reply to the remark I 
made at the close of church this afternoon, * 1 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



67 



wish I was, 9 Yes, I know it was your desire to 
stay, and spend an hour in communion with that 
loved Saviour who saith to all, 6 Come; 9 who 
stands and knocks at the door of every heart; and 
has promised, 6 If we will but open to him, he will 
come in and sup with us, and we with him.' You 
did stop, and no doubt your thoughts were in 
sympathy with ours ; and, in the silence of your me- 
ditations at that hallowed scene, did not your 6 heart 
burn within you' to draw nearer in closer sym- 
pathy with that band? I know you will answer, 
'Yes.' Perhaps, also, you will say, 'But I feel 
unworthy : I do not think I am a Christian.' If so, 
I would ask, Who is worthy ? Alas, how few ! 
It is because of my unworthiness that I feel the 
need of a Saviour's love. Often, as I have felt 
depressed and cast down by a consciousness of my 
sins, have I felt encouraged and strengthened when 
I have thought of 6 Him who is able to save to the 
uttermost.' I have often felt, as I have seen that 
table spread from month to month, that there were 
better and more devoted followers of Christ than 
myself, who turned away because they felt they 
were not quite good enough. So might I have 
waited, and have lost the comfort, consolation, 
peace, and happiness which I have enjoyed since 



68 



PORTRAIT OF A 



I became a follower of Jesus. Never shall I re- 
gret that / united with the church of Christ : it 
has been with rue the happiest portion of my life. 
I long to have every one enjoy the privilege of the 
season of communion ; and especially the young 
would I encourage to come in the spring-time of 
life, while the affections are warm, before the 
world gains too much of their thoughts. Dear 
L., may I not ask you to come? Yes, I will. 
Never, while I see the least spark of Christian 
interest in a friend, will I go on my way enjoying 
these spiritual privileges myself, without endeavor- 
ing to make that friend a partaker at that ' feast 
of love.' I would not have any be hasty; but 
there is often danger of waiting too long. Is it 
not the desire of your heart to be a Christian? 
Then why not use every means in your power? 
Be assured, there is no solid happiness short of our 
whole duty. Think of these things, dear friend; 
and may God enable you, ere long, to devote your 
whole life and every act of life to the Saviour, who 
has laid down his life for the world ! Forgive, if I 
have spoken too earnestly ; I will not say abruptly, 
because I have endeavored to learn your feelings, 
and know you will receive all in the same spirit 
which has prompted me to write. My heart shall 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



69 



ever be ready to sympathize with and encourage 
you as much as lies in my power. Let us throw 
away all restraint, and converse freely as Christians. 
i Perfect love casteth out fear.' Adieu ! 

" Your friend, M. E. C." 



Miss Clapp neither taught nor recommended 
any thing which she did not most faithfully 
practise. The secret of her powerful influence 
over her pupils was her evident earnestness 
in learning the highest lessons which she 
taught. When she spoke to them of the Sa- 
viour, it was with such an expression of 
blended reverence and love as if she were 
actually looking up into his adorable face ; 
when she repeated his precepts, it was as if 
she were sitting down at his feet, taking every 
word from his divine lips into her own heart 
before giving it to them. 

She was an ever-active though modest and 
unostentatious minister of charity, leading her 



70 



PORTRAIT OF A 



scholars by her own hand in paths of Christian 
beneficence as well as of piety. The hours 
which others would have given to recreation 
— the few intervals of leisure which her daily 
avocation allowed — were generally devoted to 
visiting the poor and the sick. In my pastoral 
walks among the destitute, it was no unusual 
thing to find her sitting by the bedside of the 
aged and the suffering, with the Bible or 
Hymn-book in her hand, from which she had 
been reading ; a bunch of flowers, or some 
little luxury which she had brought, lying 
upon the table; and every thing in the rude 
apartment giving evidence that a neat and 
skilful hand had been recently at work. 
Sometimes she would take one or two of her 
young friends with her to introduce them to 
the Christian duties of visiting the widow 
and the lonely, as well as to cheer the desolate 
with their pleasant company or their sacred 
songs. 

From about her twentieth year till a few 
months before her death, Miss Clapp was en- 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



71 



gaged in teaching, first in a private school, 
and afterwards in one of the primary schools 
of the city. The latter, though more labo- 
rious, and to most persons less inviting, was to 
her peculiarly attractive. When her friends 
sometimes expressed their surprise, that, with 
her delicate health and pure tastes, she could 
be content to submit to the drudgery incident 
to a large school of children of the rudest 
class, she was accustomed to reply, " I think 
a Christian should consider it a duty and a 
pleasure to do good to those who need it the 
most. I love to find Christ's jewels, as I often 
do, amongst those whose exterior is the least 
interesting. When I have washed and clothed 
them, and taught them a few good lessons, 
and drawn out their love, some of the rough- 
est-looking and most untidy often come out 
bright and sweet." 

She governed them by love ; for she really 
loved them. For many of them she made 
clothing, or provided it ; and for each one, at 
Christmas, had some useful or comfortable 



72 



PORTRAIT OF A 



gift, the work of her own fingers. Their little 
foreign names were often on her lips at home. 
" Biddy " and " Maggy " were mentioned with 
as much interest and treated with as much 
affection as if they were the fair and favored 
children who come from their mothers' hands 
looking so neat and wholesome that you can- 
not help taking them to your heart. When 
told that she was wearing herself out by the 
additional labor of controlling them without 
severity, and advised to adopt punishment as 
a help, her noble answer was, " When I am 
too weak in body and mind to govern them 
without bodily chastisement, I shall give up 
their charge altogether." 

As I was turning over some of her loose 
papers, a very small folded letter, not two 
inches square, attracted my attention. The 
paper was poor and soiled ; the superscription 
irregularly written, and incorrectly spelled. 
It was addressed to " Miss Clapp, Teacher of 
the Primary School, Merrimack Street, Bos- 
ton." On opening it, I found the only record, 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



73 



amongst all the manuscripts left by our friend, 
of those days and years of devoted labor and 
unwearied kindness which were spent in that 
little schoolroom, in which she wore out a 
precious life, and performed an inestimable 
service to her generation. It is, indeed, a 
very humble memorial ; but it is none the 
less affecting and significant, inscribed as it 
is by the unskilful hand of an unlettered but 
honest woman, who, in speaking from her own 
heart, represented the gratitude of many poor 
mothers who could not write their thanks. 
With the exception of the spelling, and one or 
two grammatical errors, which I have cor- 
rected, the following is a copy of the letter : — 

" Boston, Nov. 29, 1853. 
" Miss Clapp, — I am very much obliged to you 
for your kindness to Andrew ; but there is a place 
above us, where the Lord will reward you for your 
humanity, and the good instructions you give to the 
youth that are placed under your charge. May 
the Lord bless you, shall be always the prayer of 
your humble friend, &c, "M.Welch." 



74 



PORTRAIT OF A 



CHAPTEE IV. 

Christian Friendship. Correspondence with L. 

Christian history, though stained with the 
frequent record of controversy, is brightened 
by many a charming picture of pure and 
devoted friendship. If we are prompted to 
cultivate friendly alliances by our natural in- 
stincts and our mortal needs, we are urged 
still more earnestly by our Christian sym- 
pathies and our spiritual wants. Like fellow- 
countrymen in a foreign land, spirits that feel 
themselves to be strangers on the earth seek 
and cling to each other. As the essence of 
Christianity is love, so its impulse is ever 
towards communion. It is a mistake to sup- 
pose, that, because the Christian spirit extends 
and diffuses our affections, it must therefore 
diminish their intensity ; that, in order to love 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



75 



all men more, we must love the one or the 
few less warmly. The wider our sympathies 
spread, the warmer they grow : the farther 
they stretch their tendrils towards remote ob- 
jects, the closer they clasp those that are near. 
The heart whose glow does not warm those 
who are nearest has not heat enough for a 
wide radiation : he who has no strong affection 
for individuals has not sufficient capacity of 
affection for universal benevolence. It is 
among the most precious evidences of the 
depth and fulness of the Redeemer's com- 
passion towards our whole race, that John was 
the disciple of his bosom, and that he loved 
Martha and Mary and Lazarus. 

Almost every Christian has a bosom-friend. 
It was so with her of whom I am writing. 
There were several whose society was pleasant 
to her, and with whom she delighted to con- 
verse on sacred themes ; but there was one, of 
her own sex, and not far from her own age, 
who was nearer to her than all the rest. With 
her she held almost daily communion ; to her 



76 



PORTRAIT OF A 



she revealed the inmost feelings of her heart. 
This friend she had first been led to love by 
her efforts to lead her to Christ. In these 
endeavors she had been successful ; and the 
result was that close intimacy which continued 
for many years, without a moment's interrup- 
tion or the slightest jar, till her death. The 
friendship that subsisted between them was 
like that between Naomi and Ruth, with the 
addition of still another element, — a mutual 
devotion to the Saviour ; a mutual daily 
draught, as out of one cup, of the living water 
which he giveth ; that " agreement as to what 
they should ask of the Father in his name " to 
which he encouraged his disciples, two and 
two, by precious promises. 

It was the custom of these friends, both of 
whom were teachers in primary schools, and 
whose paths crossed on the way to their 
separate posts of duty, to exchange notes as 
they passed each other, containing a few 
morning thoughts, or a word of Christian 
salutation and encouragement. A few of 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



77 



these, written by Miss Clapp in pencil, and 
generally on scraps of paper, have been 
preserved, and put into my hands, by the sur- 
viving friend, with permission to print them, 
together with two or three longer letters to 
the same person. They are not published be- 
cause of any thing particularly striking in 
them, but as pleasant memorials and illustra- 
tions of a friendship which blossomed daily, 
and of a piety which every morning put forth 
a new flower, glistening with a fresh dewdrop 
from heaven. 

" May, 1845. 

" Dear L., — I have been thinking of our 
pleasant interview as we walked from church. 
Though few words passed between us, yet were we 
not united in thought? Did not our spirits sym- 
pathize? Yes, they did. One feeling has been 
uppermost with me since we parted, — a regret that 
I did not urge you not to delay until the next month 
to come forward as an open follower of Christ ; for 
your own truest happiness ; for that peace of mind 
which cannot wholly be yours until you do actually 
come to Christ, and enter into a holy covenant with 



78 



PORTRAIT OP A 



him in the appointed way. I would say, from the 
experience I have had of your state of mind, ' Come 
now ; for all things are ready.' Do you intend to 
devote yourself to Christ ? Now is the best and only 
time. Only have faith to believe that he is willing 
to accept and receive you just as you are. Do not 
wait for another month to find you better prepared : 
be assured, you will then see yourself in the same 
light as now. Oh ! L., could you but know the hap- 
piness I have felt since I united with that band 
(though there is no virtue in the mere outward act) ; 
the inward strength I have received ; the calm, sub- 
duing influences of those seasons of communion, — 
you would, with me, watch for every opportunity to 
win and encourage every one who has the least 
spark of heavenly hope and love. Far be it from 
me to urge one, who has had no experience of the 
burden of sin, no yearning for a Saviour, no heart- 
felt repentance, to make a confession of discipleship : 
that would be mockery. But, L., have you not 
already, in secret, dedicated yourself to God? Do 
you not love him? Is it not your desire to live 
to him? Then use every means; cast aside the 
thought of others ; all your fears and doubts lest 
you should not succeed. Live by the hour for God. 
Spend this hour for him and in him ; and, the next 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



79 



hour, pray for strength to do the same. Life is com- 
posed of hours, of inconspicuous opportunities, of 
present acts, of instant determinations. The spirit 
and motive which prompt us to act are of more 
importance than the act itself. Our right choice at 
any moment is of more consequence than the highest 
deferred undertaking. Where we put ourselves 
now, we shall be found the next hour, whether, 
when that hour comes, it brings health or sickness, 
life or death. Let us put ourselves now where we 
would be found of God, that we may be found of 
him in peace. 

" I would write more, but have not time. My 
earnest prayer is that God would enable you this 
night to decide. Decide with heartiness for Christ, 
only and wholly for Christ; and then go to sleep, 
dear friend, where you have laid yourself, — on his 
bosom. 

" Your friend and sister, 

" Maria." 

"July 27, 1845. 
" Dear L., — The sweet, the solemn hour is 
past ! You now have devoted yourself to God ; you 
have received upon your forehead the waters of bap- 
tism ; have reached forth your hand, and partaken of 



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PORTRAIT OF A 



the emblems of your Saviour's broken body, and 
of his blood poured out for you. Oh ! did not your 
heart burn within you with ardent longings to 
become his faithful, devoted disciple? Would you 
exchange the feelings you have had to-day for any 
thing the world calls happiness ? I know you would 
not. Such will ever be your peace of mind, if you 
are watchful. If I know you aright, you are not one 
of those who think, because you are united to the 
church, therefore you are a Christian. The sweet 
converse we have held from time to time has con- 
vinced me that it is your earnest, sincere purpose to 
become such : and, like myself, you are beginning ; 
yes, every day beginning. I would say to you, then, 
Be never discouraged; aim high; be content with 
nothing short of the whole Christian character. Let 
no earthly being be your standard of excellence : be 
a disciple of Christ Oh, how much is contained in 
that word disciple ! 

"I need not tell you how much I sympathize 
with you at this time. Be assured, I shall ever love 
to aid you all in my power ; and I know you will, 
in return, aid me. The Christian path is not all 
smooth : there are trials and temptations to encoun- 
ter, — conflicts within and without. But there are 
also sweet and sacred pleasures, — dear companions 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



81 



on earth, and saintly witnesses and friends in heaven ; 
the happiness arising from a heart at peace. The 
hidden joys of the Christian are, indeed, many 
and real. May we walk together in that true and 
heavenly road ! May it be our earnest purpose to 
follow Christ to the end ! May we daily and hourly 
remember him and cling to him, drink in his spirit, 
and rest in his bosom ! And now, that the impres- 
sions of this solemn hour may have an influence 
upon your whole future life, and that you may be a 
Christian indeed, is the heartfelt prayer of sister 

" M. E. C." 

" I am always ready, dear Lucy, to join in con- 
verse with Christian friends, but more especially 
with the chosen, the beloved of those friends. Life, 
within the past few months, has convinced me, more 
than ever, that nothing earthly can give abiding 
peace. I have been peculiarly exercised ; and was 
determined, before I went to rest last night, to wres- 
tle with the angel until he blessed me. Oh ! there is 
nothing like secret prayer : it is the oil of the soul. 
Retirement and self-communion do more for the 
soul than social intercourse ; but then we must come 
down from the mount that we may win others. 
God grant us the living power ! A happy day to 
you ! " Mar^ia." 

6 



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" Dear L., — All for Christ to-day. Oh for a 
deeper baptism of the Holy Spirit ! I would that 
nothing might distract my thoughts from spiritual 
things ! Oh, L., this hidden life, — how much more 
real it is than the outward ! ' We live in the spirit : 
let us walk in the spirit.' 

" God bless you in all your thoughts and efforts 
to minister to the spiritual wants of others to-day ! 
'In remembrance of Christ' I would utter every 
thought ; and then, through me, all unworthy as I am, 
shall his voice be heard speaking to the souls of those 
I would instruct to-day. 

" Grace and peace be with you ! 

"Maria Elizabeth." 

u 4 QUIETNESS AND CONFIDENCE ARE THY STRENGTH.' 

" Quiet as opposed to anxiety and fear. May this 
quiet be ours, dear friend ! 

4 Be still, my heart ! these anxious cares 
To thee are burdens, thorns, and snares: 
They cast dishonor on thy Lord, 
And contradict his gracious word.' 

" Confidence as opposed to distrust, to want of 
faith and hope. 

4 He who has helped me hitherto 
Will help me all my journey through.' 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



83 



" Strengthened, indeed, shall we be, if in quietness 
and confidence we repose our trust in Him who has 
said, ' 1 will never leave nor forsake those who put 
their trust in me, because they trust in me.' 

" Oh, how much I long to have more faith ! Lord, 
help thou mine unbelief. 

" These few thoughts, dear sister, were mine last 
night. I send them to you this morning. God bless 
you, and fill your soul with quietness and confidence 
and love ! " Maria." 

" I told you, dear L., that I was not satisfied with 
myself ; and I am not : but I have prayed earnestly 
for help to be and to do what God requires at the 
present moment. i Now is the accepted time.' Oh, 
L. ! my inward struggles are greater than any one 
knows. I long to be wholly consecrated. I know 
not why, but, at this season of the year, I seem to be, 
like the prodigal son, 6 coming to myself.' I have 
arisen and gone to my Father, and uttered my cry 
for pardon. Yes; and I see his outstretched arms 
ready to receive me. What a constant struggle is 
the true Christian life ! What a relief it is to pour 
out our hearts in confession of sin ! how it strength- 
ens us to resist it ! 

"When I meet you to-night, I shall not be the 



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anxious, troubled, dispirited friend from whom you 
parted yesterday. I already feel that I am renewed, 
— a new creature again in Christ Jesus. Yes, I am 
full of peace. Oh, may it never leave me ! 

"Our recent communion in secret leads me to 
confide these states of mind to you. 

" Maria." 

" Monday Morning. 

" 0 my dear L. ! I renounce all sin, as we agreed. 
I consecrate myself entirely. Shall I, shall I, be 
kept from sin ? Pray for me, L. I long to be free 
from self, and to be wholly one with the Father. 

" God bless you ! I want to say more ; but . 

May your thoughts be full of peace in believing, 
and may the Spirit abide with you ! 

" Maria." 

" Sabbath Morning, July, '47. 
" Dear L., — What a beautiful morning ! Does 
not the heart of my friend, with my own, ascend to 
'our Father' in gratitude? and is there not a long- 
ing desire to free ourselves from earth-born thoughts 
and cares, and to spend this hallowed season in com- 
munion with the Father of our spirits ? To you, 
this day, no doubt, is doubly welcome, because it 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



85 



recalls the hour of 6 consecration.' I rejoice with 
you ; for well do I know the emotions this anniver- 
sary calls forth. Cherish these feelings, dear sister ; 
and may the peace and happiness yoli have thus far 
enjoyed in the 'Christian struggle' incite you to 
renewed earnestness ! Who would be dilatory in 
coming to the ' feast of love ' this afternoon, did 
they only know half the comfort we have enjoyed 
while thinking of a Saviour's love ? It seems to me 
a sweet foretaste of heaven. I feel this morning as 
if I could hardly restrain myself from crying aloud 
to all I see, £ Come, come, come ! Oh ! " taste and 
see that the Lord is good." Why thus delay ? It is 
not the righteous the Saviour calls, but sinners, to 
repentance.' Oh, L. ! my heart is full. I anticipate 
much to-day. I cannot allow thoughts or conversa- 
tion of this world to-day. No: God, my Saviour, 
heaven, and the future, are my themes. We are 
now in the sabbath school : let us be faithful to these 
young immortals. God bless your labors! Good- 
by! "Maria Elizabeth." 

" Aug. 6, 1848. 
" Dear Sister L., — I want to express, from 
a heart full of Christian joy, a few words to one of a 
kindred spirit. We have often taken sweet counsel 



86 



PORTRAIT OF A 



together as we have walked to and from the ' house 
of our Father.' How long we may be permitted to 
enjoy these seasons, we know not ; but of one thing 
we are sure, — that, when the veil which separates 
from the unseen and eternal shall for us be drawn 
aside, we shall enjoy a communion of spirit of which 
now we have but a foretaste. L., my desires have 
been quickened to-day. I am resolved from this 
moment to be more vigilant. When I examine 
myself, I am ready to cry out, 6 Unclean ! ' and 
despondency and gloom would be my portion, were 
it not for the promises of Holy Writ, * Wash, and be 
clean ; ' ' Come unto me, ye who are weary and 
heavy-laden;' 6 Go in peace;' &c. My feeling at 
this moment is that I would have no desire or will 
of my own, but be wholly absorbed in the divine 
will. At this instant, L., my soul would not dread 
to hear the voice which bids me render my account ; 
because I believe, that, through Jesus, my sins shall 
be blotted out from the book of remembrance. Oh 
the joy and peace in believing ! 6 Lord, I believe : 
help thou my unbelief.' My thoughts dwell much 
upon the subject of our morning's discourse, — the 
manifestation of the Saviour to those who love him. 
Oh, may our hearts overflow in love ; and may we 
remember him in our every act ; and may our aim 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



8T 



be higher and higher, and our motives purer and 
purer, until we shall be filled with the Spirit, 
and our spiritual eyes shall be so clear that we may 
see Him even while we are in the body ! I felt that 
I might open my heart again to sister L. 

66 Yours in Christian love, 

" Maria Elizabeth." 

w I wonder I did not think you had made a mis- 
take, and given me the wrong bundle ; but I did not 
notice it was so large until I was untying it. 6 Just 
like L. J' I exclaimed, as soon as I saw that it con- 
tained a token of love. 

" I am at a loss for words to express my thanks 
for the very acceptable gift. You remind me of an 
indulgent parent who anticipates the smallest wish of 
a much-loved child. I intended to purchase these 
books very soon ; instead of which, an indulgent 
friend, who loves me more than I deserve, antici- 
pates the intention, and sends them to me. 

" Thank you, dear L. As I read them, the giver 
will be in my mind. Oh, what a rich feast are such 
books! Is it not delightful to commune with 
such spirits ? How few can be found in the flesh ! 
If we seek the society of such, they are to be found 
only among the departed. We will drink at the 



88 



PORTRAIT OP A 



same ' Living Fountain/ and thus become of their 
number. 

"Oh, L., what would I give to feel that I was 
wholly Christ's ; that I had the strength to subdue 
these anxious fears that at times imbitter the sweet 
cup of life ! Well, this is my cross. I will not rest 
until I can feel like a little child, living only in the 
present hour. 6 Now is the hour. 9 Didn't we have 
some solid food yesterday ? Surely we don't feed 
upon husks : we ought to grow ; and we will. 
According to our faith we shall be made whole from 
these secret sins. I don't often open my secret heart 
to my friends ; but it has always been pleasant to 
commune with you. JNone other knows the secret 
workings of my soul. Sympathy of spirit unites us 
to one common Father and Saviour. May we be 
drawn yet nearer, nearer, nearer ! 

" Keep up a good heart, L., in all your struggles 
after the inward life. When we are weak and faint- 
ing, the 6 Good Shepherd ' will lead us by the still 
waters and green pastures. Our seasons of depres- 
sion and regret will give way to a bright day of sun- 
shine, which will seem brighter for the preceding 
darkness. 

"A happy and successful day to you in your 
schoolroom ! May your little charge and mine be so 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



89 



moulded by us, that we shall fit them not only for a 
higher school in this world, but be instruments of 
good to them for eternity ! God bless you ! 

" Yours in love, 

"Maria Elizabeth." 



90 



PORTRAIT OF A 

\ 



CHAPTER V. 

Justification by Faith, and its blessed Results. 

A striking and instructive fact in Miss Clapp's 
experience was the marked transition which 
took place, at a somewhat advanced period of 
her religious course, from a state whose pre- 
dominant element was a scrupulous and 
exacting conscientiousness, to a condition of 
peace and joy through faith ; from the toil- 
some and fruitless endeavor after justification 
by working out a perfect righteousness, to the 
acceptance of justification through faith in 
the divine Eedeemer. 

Her early religious life manifested itself 
chiefly in the form of conscientious obedience. 
Christianity influenced her principally through 
her sense of duty. Though her affections also 
were enlisted on behalf of her heavenly Father 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



91 



and her Saviour, and though her heart was 
neither cold nor reluctant towards spiritual 
things, yet it was evident that religion acted 
more powerfully upon her conscience than 
upon her heart. 

For six or eight years after her connection 
with the church, she could not throw off the 
burden of anxiety that constantly weighed 
upon her spirits, — a sense of inability to sa- 
tisfy entirely the demands of God's holy law. 
Though occasionally quite happy when she 
thought of the divine forgiveness and the 
gracious promises of Jesus, yet she could 
never enjoy any real freedom of spirit or true 
peace of mind, because she could not be con- 
scious of a perfect conformity in all things to 
the will and requirements of God. " I have 
always had," she wrote during the period re- 
ferred to, " a very tender conscience. I could 
not be happy while I was sensible of any imper- 
fection. Deep has been my sorrow, and most 
severe my self-reproach, at the slightest devia- 
tion from duty. My prayers have ascended 



92 PORTRAIT OF A 

for strength to do right ; but ever have I felt 
that something was wanting. When I have 
tried my best, I have failed ; and, because I 
have failed, have been unable to find rest. My 
religion, I am sensible, has been that of the 
conscience." 

It had indeed; and no one ever worked 
harder to satisfy conscience, or had a more 
sensitive conscience to goad to exertion. How 
scrupulous it was, any page of her diary would 
show. I will make only a single brief extract, 
partly to illustrate that change in her feelings 
which I desire to indicate, and partly also 
because it shows, by the acute grief 6he ex- 
perienced on account of a single early fault, 
how free from faults her life must have 
been. 

" How true it is that conscience can never forget, 
and will never cease speaking ! 

"A falsehood I told when about twelve years 
old has haunted me ever since. For these many 
long years, it has dwelt upon my mind. I have 
often sought forgiveness for it of my heavenly 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



93 



Father, and have truly repented that I ever uttered 
it; but still the memory of it has ever disturbed 
me. Conscience seemed to say that something else 
remained to be done, — that I must make confession 
of the sin; but, abhorring, as I do, the sin, I 
dreaded the shame of having it known. And yet 
I always felt that it must be known, if not in this 
world, in another; and I have brought before me 
that day when the secrets of the heart will be 
manifest, — when the book of remembrance will 
be opened. I have felt, too, that I ought to acknow- 
ledge and confess this sin while in this world, in 
order to prove to my own heart that I had truly 
repented. 

" To-night, at the table, before all my family, I 
have confessed it. Oh, what a relief! As soon as 
I had related it to them, the arrow that had been 
poisoning my peace of mind for so long a time was 
drawn out of my heart. 

" I now feel, that, should I be called this night 
to leave the world, I could trust unreservedly to my 
Saviour's love for forgiveness and acceptance." 

This was written in 1844 ; up to which time, 
and for two or three subsequent years, she 
appeared to have been constantly struggling 



94 



PORTRAIT OF A 



with an oppressive sense of unworthiness ; 
sometimes partially overcoming it, and cheered 
and revived by the hope of forgiveness, but 
never entirely at peace. 

But, gradually, the blessed sunshine of the 
brightest and dearest doctrine of the gospel 
was rising upon her mind and heart. At 
length it broke full upon her soul, and flooded 
her whole being, as it did that of Paul and 
of Luther ; as it always has and always will 
that of every true disciple of Jesus seeking 
after a perfect righteousness, when once it 
gains entrance into the heart, — flooded her 
whole nature with gladsome light. 

Contrast with what has just been read, and 
with her state of mind as it has been de- 
scribed, the following passage in her journal, 
written in 1848 : — 

a Thrice welcome, peaceful sabbath ! A new and 
delightful frame of mind has been mine to-day 
and recently ; caused, I doubt not, by conversations 
with my pastor upon a subject which for the last 
ten years has disturbed and oppressed my soul. I 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



95 



now no longer doubt the full and free forgiveness 
of every sin through penitence and faith in the 
Redeemer. The instant that sorrow is felt, and 
the acknowledgment made that I have sinned, I 
hear the gentle voice of Jesus say, 6 Go in peace, 
and sin no more/ I arise, and the burden falls 
from my heart ; and, though I have transgressed, I 
am happy ; though I am not perfect, I have a per- 
fect peace, 

" Strange that I have struggled so long with this 
load ! An implicit faith in the free and abundant 
pardon of sin through a Redeemer has been the 
one thing wanting in my Christian character. I 
have dwelt upon my sins till they have seemed like 
mountains. I have said, 6 Father, forgive ; ' but have 
not realized that the promise is for myself 

" Oh, what a new life has burst upon me ! Ten 
years ago, I first partook of the bread and wine in 
commemoration of my Saviour. These years have 
indeed been happy, and increasing in joy to the last ; 
but, should my life be spared another ten, how differ- 
ent would be my joy ! Not a cloud of anxiety and 
distrust when I shall look up into my Redeemer's 
face ; for the true, the everlasting light has dawned 
at length upon my darkened mind. God has granted 
the prayer of my heart. The cloud has dispersed. 



96 



PORTRAIT OF A 



To-day all is bright. O ye emblems of a Saviour's 
love, how much more precious than ever do ye seem 
to me now ! " 

The sun which then rose upon her life 
never again went down. From that period, 
all things were new to her. Those who knew 
her best" marked and admired the change. 
Her whole religious movement became more 
free ; her countenance was illuminated with 
her inward joy. Its expression was still as 
quiet and calm as before ; but the soft veil of 
sadness which it had previously worn was ex- 
changed for as soft a mantle of peace. 

The subsequent pages of her diary are en- 
livened by a more cheerful and hopeful tone. 
" Being justified by faith, she had peace with 
God, through our Lord Jesus Christ; by 
whom she had access by faith into that grace 
wherein she stood, and rejoiced in the hope of 
the glory of God." That this blessed condi- 
tion continued even to the close of her earthly 
life is evinced by the following records of her 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



97 



impressions on the two last anniversaries of 
her " Christian birthday : " — 

" May 27, 1855. 

"Just seventeen years to-day, I have been con- 
nected as a member with the church of Christ, — 
exactly half of my life. Oh, how precious have the 
last seventeen years been to me ! To what a blessed 
discipleship have I been called ! Every added year 
has made my Saviour more and more precious. 
The gloom and depression I felt in the first seven- 
teen years of my life, whenever convictions of sin 
came over me and I felt my nothingness, are seldom 
experienced now. I feel that I have consecrated 
myself to God ; that no righteousness of my own can 
save me. Christ is sufficient. 6 If any man sin, we 
have an Advocate with the Father.' — 6 When I am 
weak, then am I strong.' 

"Oh, how different is the state of the Second 
Church now from what it was seventeen years since ! 
Then there were no young persons in the church 
to take me by the hand and welcome me to their 
sweet communion, or to kneel with me in prayer. 
Now, almost every communion-sabbath, the young 
are drawing near to their Redeemer by an in- 
ward consecration and the outward confession. O 
7 



98 



PORTRAIT OF A 



heavenly Father, grant that more may come ! for 
still there is room. Oh ! speak through me to 
others, that I may win souls to Christ, who has re- 
deemed me from the bondage and burden of sin, 
and has become my righteousness. Aid me this 
year to a deeper consecration. Let not sin have 
any power over me. In memory of Christ, I re- 
nounce it. Not willingly shall it have place in this 
heart: this temple shall not be defiled. O Holy 
Spirit, come and take possession of this heart, and 
never leave it ! " 

4t May 25, 1856. 
" This anniversary never was so welcome before. 
New and fresh gratitude to my Redeemer arises in 
my heart to-day. He has been with me these 
eighteen years, drawing and winning me to a closer 
walk with God. 0 God ! accept the renewed con- 
secration of all I am and have to thy service. I 
have felt thy love in a crucified Saviour. In all 
my sins, I have felt that his blood alone could 
cleanse, and make me free. I have no righteous- 
ness of my own ; and yet I am so happy in this 
precious faith in Christ ! This is the brightest an- 
niversary of the eighteen spent in seeking to be a 
disciple. Oh, bow I love the hymn, 6 Bring forth 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



99 



the royal diadem, and crown him Lord of all ' ! I 
would crown this exalted friend of sinners ; for he 
has washed us in his blood, and by him we have 
access to God. Oh that all would bow to him ! " 



100 



POETEAIT OF A 



CHAPTER VI. 

Sickness. Preparation for Departure. Last Hours. 

This brief sketch of a life which was itself 
too brief — as it seemed to those who saw its 
beauty, and felt its beneficent power ; but not 
too brief for its own joy, or for the best pur- 
poses of human existence — is drawing towards 
its close. A constitution as delicate as Miss 
Clapp's may, by careful cherishing and light 
labor, with frequent intervals of rest, be pre- 
served even to old age ; but it cannot last 
long in the service of a spirit so active, so self- 
devoted, so earnestly laborious, as hers. She 
would not have considered it to be living to 
have eked out her mortal existence by a selfish 
consultation for her physical comfort; to 
nurse and tend her body till the very last 
moment that the frail machine might have 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



101 



strength to perform the simple functions of 
animal life. She could not weigh a few days 
of earthly continuance against the neglect of 
any opportunity to serve God or benefit man- 
kind. The great question with her was, how 
well can I live, not how comfortably ; how use- 
fully, not how long. She had caught the 
spirit of Christ's sublime saying, " Pie that 
loveth his life shall lose it ; but whosoever will 
lose his life for my sake, the same shall find it, 
and shall keep it unto the life eternal." I do 
not mean that she was reckless or presumptu- 
ous in exposing her health : she used all care 
for its preservation which was consistent with 
higher considerations. But there was some- 
thing which she valued and loved more than 
life, — the high satisfaction of doing good; 
the profound joy of being true to the claims of 
religion and humanity ; the undefilecl honor 
of faithfulness to the calls of duty ; the deli- 
cious happiness of disinterested devotion to 
the kingdom of Christ. 

Her health for several years gave signs of 



102 



PORTRAIT OF A 



failure : it was breaking down under the con- 
stant labors which she loved. Her friends 
perceived the painful truth, and endeavored 
to persuade her to relinquish her Sunday 
school or her day school. She listened to 
them kindly, but could not realize that the 
case was as urgent as they supposed, — could 
not be convinced or persuaded that it was her 
duty to throw aside the instruments of useful- 
ness which she had taken up for the service of 
her heavenly Master. " If I could only hear 
his voice saying in my heart, 4 It is your duty, 
it is my will,' I would instantly give up my 
charge, and unbind my girdle. But I do not 
hear it. These children, his lambs, call upon 
me to feed them; his voice seems to call me 
in their sweet and inviting tones." She con- 
tinued at her work, almost forgetting that she 
was growing weaker and weaker, till at length 
her strength fairly gave out, and, from abso- 
lute inability, she was compelled to retire from 
the field, and lie down, exhausted, to rest. 
This was in the early part of the spring of 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



103 



the last year (1857). For several weeks, she 
supposed that she might recover; though she 
was aware that such a result was uncertain. 
During this earlier portion of her last illness, 
she entered in her journal such reflections as 
these : — 

"I feel the approach of sickness. I would 
meditate upon immortality, — upon the undying 
spirit and the unfading home. It may be but a 
little while before my soul may have ceased its 
connection with earth and time. What are its pro- 
spects for eternity ? What is its preparation to pass 
onward ? Am I ready to yield it up to Him who 
bade it live ? Should not the Christian be ever 
ready to go to the Father, — to the Saviour who 
has prepared mansions of rest, and is ready to re- 
ceive his disciples to the holy and beautiful place 
where they may be for ever with himself? I am 
conscious of having much, very much, to attract me 
to earth, — a pleasant home, indulgent parents, sym- 
pathizing friends, dear Christian companions, earthly 
goods enough for present needs ; and my daily duties 
as teacher, too, are full of pleasure and interest. 
Say, then, my soul, art thou ready to part with 
these ; to bid adieu to all familiar scenes, to all the 



104 



PORTRAIT OP A 



charms of visible nature, and enter into the unseen 
state, beyond and through the shaded valley of 
death? My Father, I leave all to thee. When 
thou shalt bid, may I say, 6 My Father calls : let 
me obey ; let me arise, and go with quiet quickness. 
Yea, though I pass through the shadow of death, I 
will fear no evil.'" 

" The last few weeks, I have been confined to my 
room with severe illness, unable to see any one. 
Now I am slowly recovering, and find myself at 
times almost impatient to be engaged in the active 
duties of life. Not that I am weary of the sick- 
room ; far from it. I have received every at- 
tention, — every kindness from earth and Heaven. 
Scarcely a day without some little love-offering 
from human friends, and not a day without good 
and perfect gifts from the Father of lights. These 
things make me very grateful, very happy, and also 
cause a deep sympathy in my heart towards those 
who are on beds of pain, and who are not com- 
forted by those kindly attentions so pleasant to the 
sick. I know of such, and have thought much of 
them. 

" And then y too, what a precious time for thought ! 
The past, the present, and the future all pass before 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



105 



the mind. The soul is brought to view itself in the 
true light. It feels the solemn interest of life ; it 
feels a nearness to God ; it rests on his strong and 
gentle arm ; it quiets itself through trust in him, 
as a little child, tired and trembling, leans on its 
mother. Its desires for earthly pleasures fail: it 
has no spirits for them, no appetite for what the 
healthy delight in. It loathes noise and excitement, 
and the pomp and vanity of the world. It turns 
with longing towards the pure and calm glories of 
eternity. Not that I am tired of this bright and 
beautiful world which God has made, of nature, 
and of my friends. Oh, no ! But in these precious 
seasons of communing, alone with my own heart, 
upon my bed, in stillness, away from the distracting 
cares which in the hours of health are too often 
allowed to darken the spiritual vision, there is such 
peace, such pure and deep delight, as I fain would 
cherish, and never part with." 

At about the same period, she wrote a few 
letters, in pencil, to some of her most intimate 
friends. 

"Dear L., — This is the fourth sabbath that I 
have been confined at home, away from my beloved 



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church ; but, though I long to go when the morning 
bell rings, the hours of solitude in my sick-room 
have been sweet. I have fully realized that our 
heavenly Father is not confined to any earthly 
temple ; that we can make, by his gracious aid, our 
own hearts a fit residence for the indwelling of the 
Holy Spirit. I feel that I have not been absent 
from him because unable to be present in his earthly 
courts. The worship which he accepts is not that 
of the lip merely, but that of the heart. He is in 
secret ; he heareth in secret ; he is worshipped in 
spirit ; he is everywhere. 

4 Where can I go from thee, 
All-present Deity? 
But why should I depart? 
'Tis safety where thou art. 

And could one spot thy being hold, 
I, poor and vain and weak, 
That sacred spot would seek, 
And dwell within the shelter of thy fold.' 

"You remember the last time I saw you, when 
we parted after having visited those poor friends in 
Ann Street. Do you recollect I said that I did not 
feel very well, and that visiting such places worked 
upon my feelings, sometimes so much as to take 
away my strength? That very afternoon, I was 
quite ill. I tried to read, but could not fix my 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



107 



attention. I then thought I would call upon 

for a religious conversation, but did not find him at 
home. The next day was Sunday. I had not slept 
during the night ; but I arose in the morning, intend- 
ing to go to church, though not to the Sunday school. 
I was prevailed upon to remain at home. In the 
afternoon, as it was communion-day, I thought I 
would ride; but found myself, at the last moment, 
too sick even to get ready. Then I really felt sad. 
After a moment's reflection, however, I asked my- 
self the question, Why this sadness? Ought not 
gratitude to fill my heart that I have for so many 
years enjoyed, almost without interruption, that 
holy season? Yes, yes, precious indeed is the 
memory of that feast of love ! Gratitude shall fill 
my heart. Away, all sadness ! away ! 

* When all thy mercies, 0 my God ! 
My rising soul surveys, 
Transported with the view, I'm lost 
In wonder, love, and praise.' 

" And now, dear L., I hope you will have a good 
time to-day where I cannot be. Give my love to 
my class ; and tell them, when the first bell rings, 
my thoughts will fly to them, and my spirit hover 
around their little group. 

" What is our life ? If I am again engaged in 



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its active duties, when my health returns, I trust all 
my powers of body and mind will be devoted more 
faithfully to my God. My one desire is to live 
nearer to him, and only to live in him and by him 
and for him. 

" It is the first time I have written. 

" Good-by ! M." 

"Very grateful do I feel to you, dear H., for 
bringing me such a beautiful bouquet to cheer and 
bless me in these hours of retirement from active 
duties. Children and flowers are to me the most 
attractive and lovely objects in the world. Deprived 
by this illness of being in the midst of the former, 
and from trying to make them more beautiful by the 
influences which God always places in the teacher's 
power, I have had bouquet after bouquet sent to 
me from the members of our Sunday school, so that 
my eyes have been resting upon the latter while my 
thoughts have been associating them with you all. 
I do not know enough of flowers to cultivate them ; 
but all these do not need cultivation: they have 
arrived at their perfection ; and I may admire their 
beauty, and enjoy their fragrance. Soon each flower, 
now so attractive, must droop and die. Don't you 
wish, sometimes, they would live for ever? It is 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



109 



well that things we love should not : I am afraid we 
should cling too strongly to them. But God, in great 
love for us, takes one and another comfort or object 
of desire from us, that he may bring us still nearer 
to himself. 

" Sickness, — what a mysterious messenger it is ! 
How we dread its approach ! And yet, when it has 
come to us, we see it was the very discipline we 
needed. Oh ! it seems to me, when I am free from 
its bonds, I must enter into active life again with a 
purer and holier purpose. This life is short, — how 
very short to some ! how short to that pure spirit we 
have just parted from (F.) ! But the life she now 
enjoys is everlasting life. Oh wondrous thought, 
that she is still, with a clearer light, doing the will of 
God ! I seem to see her, with her lovely coun- 
tenance and those expressive eyes, — still more 
beautiful than ever in her spiritual body, — a mini- 
stering angel. I have thought how much your cousin 
F., who has been sick so long, must have been 
deprived of; and yet I dare say she would not have 
it otherwise, because it is the will of God, who 
always gives the grace to bear. I send her my 
sympathizing love. Tell her, I have only tasted of 
sickness, and the prospect before me is of gradual 
recovery ; yet I will not depend upon it until the 



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cough is removed. I sometimes think I can go to 
my labors as usual, I am so bright some days ; and 
then comes a season of weakness, and I feel that a 
long rest must intervene. . . . Good-night ! 

"M. E. C." 

" April 25, 1857. 

" My dear, dear Annie, — My heart is too full 
for utterance ; but, oh ! I must offer my heartfelt 
sympathy to you. Our darling F. has obeyed the 
call to enter one of those mansions prepared by her 
blessed Saviour, whom she loved, and whose disciple 
she was while in the body. One more sweet spirit 
to welcome us when our turn comes. 

"I commend you in this trying hour to Jesus. 
Lean, dear one, your bleeding heart upon him. He 
has promised to be with you in trouble ; yea, even 
in the dark valley of the shadow of death. He is 
there. I feel that I have lost a very dear friend, 
she was so near to me in Christian sympathy ; but, 
oh ! rejoice in her upward flight : she is happy. Her 
faith in Jesus as the Redeemer, her all-sufficient 
friend ; her earnest desire always to please God ; and 
the fact that she consecrated herself to the service 
of God, — make me think of her as still living, not 
dead ; no, no ! F. is rejoicing in a nearer, a more 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



Ill 



intimate communion with all the departed who have 
fallen asleep in Jesus. I must think of her as even 
now sitting at the feet of Jesus, still learning more 
and more of her heavenly Father's will. Let us say, 
' Father, not our will, but thine, be done.' 
" Peace be with you and your loved ones ! 
" Yours truly, 

" Maria E. Clapp." 

" Tuesday, June 16, 1857. 
" Dear A., — I thank you for the Memoir you 
sent me. I shall have a feast in reading it when I 
recover, if it is the will of God that I shall get well. 
I thank you, too, for your offer to come and read 
to me ; but I have to be very quiet, and Dr. W. 
wishes me to see as few of my friends as possible. 
So, A., I have to deny myself the sight of those I love. 
Pray for me, dear one, that I may be submissive 
and resigned. I have thought much of our dear F. : 
perhaps I shall see her in those heavenly man- 
sions before many months pass on. But we know 
not the hour when our Father will call. I wait his 
time. Jesus has promised to be with us always ; 
so I lay my head on his arm, and feel safe. Oh, A., 
at the near prospect of death, how we feel our entire 
emptiness! and how precious is the thought of 



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Christ's mediation and love ! Oh ! I want to think 
of the great love of God to us sinners. I feel safe, 
because Jesus says, ' Him that cometh to me I will 
in no wise cast out.' (I come to thee, my dear 
Redeemer : oh ! receive my soul at last.) I wish to 
write more to you; but I am already too much 
fatigued by writing this. 

" God bless and comfort you, and draw you closer, 
through all your trials, to him ! 

« Yours affectionately, Maria E. C." 

" My kind Friexd Mr. F., — I was in hopes to 
sit with your class and my own dear girls, and enjoy 
the influence of those sweet sabbath-morning talks 
for a longer period ; but, the last few days, I have 
not been quite so well, which made me feel I had 
better send for a physician, as I wished to know if 
my lungs were diseased. I sent for Dr. W., who 
told me, after the examination, that he thought the 
difficulty might possibly be remedied if I rested 
from my school and sabbath labors for a season. 
I asked him if I could return to them in the fall. 
He seemed to think, with mother, that I was looking 
ahead too far ; and said, that, when the time came, he 
would know better ; but, for the present, I must not 
even attend church till it was warm enough to have 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



113 



doors and windows open. The first time he called, 
he said, 6 You must keep out in the open air, and take 
a walk every pleasant day.' I thought, of course, it 
would be delightful to take a morning walk to our 
vestry; but, this morning, he says no to that: and 
now I have resolved to give up these delightful 
occupations, that I may, if our heavenly Father wills 
it, recover my health. For a long time my parents 
and friends have said to me, 4 Maria, why don't you 
give up this and that occupation? Rest a while.' 
But my reply has been, 4 I am not sick : I know I 
am not quite well ; but I have no need of a physician/ 
Oh, how many are spiritually just in this condition ! 
and they say, ' I am not conscious that I am sick ; 1 
or, ' I know I am not quite well ; but I have, at pre- 
sent, no need of a physician.' But how true, (isn't it, 
Mr. F. ?) that, the very instant the soul does realize 
its sinfulness, it turns to the heavenly Physician for 
relief ! But this must be with faith. Oh that more 
and more may be imparted to us and to others of 
this precious faith in Jesus! 

"Adieu, then, for a season, to our dear sabbath 
school, and my own loved class, and the rich enjoy- 
ment of the house of prayer ! I have still hope that 
I may teach in the fall : till then, will you keep my 
class ? 

8 



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PORTRAIT OF A 



" 6 Make me submissive to thy will, and I will ask 
no more/ I keep repeating to myself. Love to all 
the class. 

" Very respectfully, 

"Maria E. Clapp." 

" Dear Miss B., — You have added a great deal 
to my comfort and pleasure by sending to me this 
book,* so full of rich thoughts and suggestions. I 
so dearly love hymns and sacred poetry, that I have 
actually feasted upon these. Many of them are in 
my own book of hymns, — my favorite ones too. I 
must get a copy as soon as I recover : once reading 
them increases the appetite for more. Thank you 
very kindly, too, for copying the hymn, 6 What time 
I am afraid, I will trust in Thee.' I keep it near me 
that I may often read it. The soul that stays itself 
on God, either in life or death, has perfect peace. 
How much we need this blessed support ! And, oh, 
really to feel this entire dependence, to lie wholly 
in the arms of Christ, — feeble, helpless, weak, sin- 
ful as we are, — what a privilege ! Do we not long 
to love him more and more? How many during 
this anniversary-week have perhaps had their affec- 



* " The Harp and the Cross.' 



I 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 115 

tions awakened towards him at the devotional 
meetings! and how many souls have been roused to 
say, 4 1 will do more for this and that cause of cha- 
rity ' ! Well, I, too, have been with you all, in spirit, 
and enjoyed with you every sign of the increase 
of spiritual good over worldliness. Life, this life, 
appears so much greater to me than before, so 
full of intense interest, so filled with the loving 
presence of God! The dear little martins in our 
neighbor's yard seem to praise him with their whole 
hearts with a deeper earnestness than ever; the 
trees and buds and flowers continually say to me, 
' Praise him! praise him!' But you will think it 
strange that I should express these feelings to you, 
with whom I have had so little conversation. But 
no matter : I feel your Christian spirit, and so am at 
home with you. God bless you ! 

" I have not felt so well for four or five days ; and 
Dr. W. is unwilling I should attend church Sunday 
afternoon, as I have been expecting to. I feel more 
willing to bear this privation than I thought I 
should. " With regard, Maria E. C." 

" Dear Miss B., — I can but faintly express to 
you the gratitude I feel for these dear good hymns. 
Just exactly are they the breathings of my spirit; 



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PORTRAIT OF A 



and they have come to me at the time when I am 
thinking a good deal of passing on to the spirit- 
world, and I wish to have just such hymns in my 
mind all the time. Any thing that will bring me 
'nearer to God' I crave. O ! it is my con- 
stant prayer, 'Jesus, I have need of thee? And then 
I seem to hear his voice saying, ' I will come to thee' 
Yes, and he will 6 tarry with me.' I know and I 
believe, therefore I will trust. 

" Yes, I do think much of our Sunday school ; 
and, at the hour for commencing, I have retired 
alone, and, in spirit, visited each class, and have 
prayed for each teacher separately, calling you all by 
name, as I presented the petition to 'our Father,' 
that his richest spiritual gifts might at that time rest 
upon you, and that the dear ones who encircled you 
might have their hearts drawn nearer and closer to 
the dear Redeemer. No ; my work is not yet done, 
and will not be, should God think it best to confine 
me to the sick-room even for years. He is good, 
and always gives us something to do or bear. 

" I have been very ill the last four or five days, 
and I think it is doubtful if I recover. Still I have 
hope ; for this disease is so changeable. But I don't 
want to have much thought about it : I do not feel 
anxious. I know God's time is best. I wait. 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



117 



" I frequently see you as you pass to and from 
your school, with your pleasant smile upon your 
countenance ; and I think there must be the joy of 
the Christian's spirit within. May it ever abide with 
you, and may God bless you, is the prayer of 

"Maria E. C. 

"P. 3. — I love to have my friends write to me, 
because I can read better than I can talk ; it don't 
require so much strength : and I can stop, too, in the 
middle of a sentence, and rest. And, then, it is the 
next best thing to seeing them." 

Miss Clapp remained in the state of uncer- 
tainty indicated in these letters, with regard to 
the issue of her disease, till near the close of 
May, 1857. In the course of a visit during 
that month, when, though very feeble, she was 
still able to receive me in the parlor, she 
spoke of the condition of suspense in which 
she had been living for a few weeks ; remark- 
ing that it was not conducive to perfect peace 
of mind, because she could not be entirely 
satisfied whether it was her duty to put away 
all hopes of any further usefulness on earth, 



118 



PORTRAIT OF A 



and give up to the sickness as fatal, or to 
struggle against it, and try to keep about a 
little longer ; and asked my opinion as to the 
conclusion to which she ought to bring her 
mind, and the course which, as a Christian, 
it became her to adopt. Being convinced, 
from a conversation with her physician, 
that she could not recover, I replied, that I 
thought it her duty to relieve herself at once 
of all suspense, — not to continue any longer 
in a state of disturbance, — not to allow her 
soul to be deprived of the enjoyment of entire 
peace, even for an hour. I told her that 
the way to be perfectly at rest was to give up 
herself without reserve to God, as if she 
were sure that it was his will to take her home 
to himself, — to resign herself, being now too 
weak to work, or even to think of working, 
wholly to him, whether for a longer stay on 
earth or for an early departure, — to lie down 
at once on his arm, and rest there, and there 
only, leaving the event with him. " Lie 
down," I said, " and repose ; because it is all 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



119 



you can do now ; not asking how long you 
are to repose, whether for a few days, or 
for eternity. When you do thus stay your- 
self on God, all suspense will depart, and 
perfect peace return and dwell in your 
heart." Her reply instantly was, "That is 
my duty : I see it clearly. I am so glad to 
have my doubt settled ! And what a blessed 
duty it is ! I begin even now to have a fore- 
taste of the rich feast I am to enjoy. I will 
try." 

She did try, and with perfect success. She 
never thought or spoke, afterwards, with the 
least concern about the issue of her disease. 
She gave herself no anxiety about recovering 
or dying : she was content to be living for the 
present in God, — a sweet life, without refer- 
ence to time, and above the apprehension of 
death. 

A few days after this interview, as had been 
anticipated, she became so feeble as to be con- 
fined to her chamber. When she entered it, 
with the expectation of never leaving it again, 



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PORTRAIT OF A 



she said to lier mother, " Now, dear mother, 
this chamber must be consecrated to God. 
Nothing must be thought or felt or said here 
that will not please him. We must not let 
him see any gloom, or hear any murmurs. 
We must feel that his presence is here; that 
he loves us, and does every thing for our best 
good." 

It was a sacred purpose, a beautiful ex- 
pression of filial trust and love. And it was 
fulfilled. For nearly three months, his pre- 
sence was manifested there day and night, and 
nothing was allowed that would grieve the 
Holy Spirit. How was this accomplished, — 
this result, so seldom seen on earth ? It was 
accomplished through an entire and loving 
faith in the Redeemer. It was not through 
her own strength, — oh! no, — that she re- 
peatedly and most emphatically declared : she 
did it through Christ, who was with her, 
sweetening and strengthening her nature. 
She kept near to the Saviour, — close, ever 
closer, to him. " He is sufficient for me," she 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



121 



repeated over and over. "I lean upon his 
bosom ; his arm is round my neck ; I hear his 
voice in my heart ; he whispers, ' Be of good 
cheer, I am with thee ; ' he instils peace into 
my soul ; he is mine, and I am his ; he is ful- 
filling his promises to me and within me, as 
he said he would to every one who would im- 
plicitly confide in him," 

I visited her nearly every day during the 
period just referred to, and every day heard 
such words as those, — never an accent which 
was not in entire harmony with them. As I 
sat by her side, reading selections from the 
Bible, or conversing of the believer's rest, I 
always felt as if there were present not 
only we two, but the Saviour himself also, 
as a third. She was so near to him, and his 
presence was so clearly manifested to her and 
through her, that I also felt his nearness. 
At every interview, we read and talked over 
some of his last words to his disciples, dwell- 
ing upon such as were most applicable to her 
condition. They never before had such mean- 



122 



PORTRAIT OF A 



ing and power. They seemed to come fresh 
from his own lips, warm from his own heart. 

She called upon Jesus as upon one very 
near, — sometimes audibly ; but more fre- 
quently, as she told me, in silence. If, at any 
time, she was severely distressed, and her pa- 
tience was beginning to fail, she would turn 
to him, and say, " Dear Saviour, help me to 
endure quietly." Whatever she wanted of 
spiritual strength she asked him for, with as 
much simplicity of trust as she asked her 
mother to smooth her pillow or moisten 
her lips. She never had a doubt of his pre- 
sence and help, nor was troubled with any 
question as to the propriety of calling upon 
him. She felt that he was so near, she rested 
on him with such childlike confidence, and 
loved him with such a perfect love, that there 
was no room in her heart for any such doubts 
or speculations. 

A few letters which she wrote with a pencil, 
while propped on pillows for the purpose, 
shortly before her decease, will give a better 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



123 



impression of her feelings than any description 
of mine. The first two are to her intimate 
friend L. ; the third is to a valued member 
of the Second Church, and an experienced 
teacher in the sabbath school connected with it, 
whose visits to Miss Clapp during her sickness 
were frequent, and of great comfort to her; 
the fourth is to the Sunday-school teachers and 
children ; the last was to an absent sister. 

" Dear L., — A few days since, I thought I was 
on the eve of departure to the spirit- world ; but my 
time had not come. God wishes me to wait, and 
perhaps suffer still more, before he permits the 

spirit to leave the clay. I told Dr. W what I 

thought, and he said he thought the issue of my 
disease would not be immediately. 'Then/ said I, 

'I may see and again?' — 'I think so/ 

he said. I now think I may continue perhaps a 
month or two : but I am not depending on it, dar- 
ling L. ; I am living by the day. I am almost 
entirely helpless ; my bones are sore ; I have no ap- 
petite ; and I am not able to turn myself in bed. 
I am sitting up to-day, feeling comfortable, and 
looking much more as I used to. My faith and trust 



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PORTRAIT OF A 



are strong in Him in whom I trust. I am happy 
and peaceful: I have not a doubt or fear. I am a 
little child, nestling under the protecting feathers of 
the wings of the Almighty, my head resting on the 
bosom of Jesus. 

I am exhausted. You know all I would say. I 
have suffered pain even from writing this. 

" Maria." 

" Dear L., — I do not think that I am quite well 
enough to see my friends to day ; so 1 have refused 
all, except those who have not called before. There 
is an excitement in seeing as well as talking, which 
reveals to me how very weak I must be. I have 
your beautiful flowers opposite my bed : they speak 
to me of my heavenly Father's love, and of your 
disinterested affection for me. My longing prayer 
last night was, i My Saviour, I have need of thee ; ' 
and then those blessed words, c / will come to thee, f 
lingered in my ear, and I had peace. I need this 
sickness to purify me from much inward imperfec- 
tion ; but Mr. R so quietly lifted me above self, 

and drew me so near to Christ, that, when he talks 
to me, I see only the love of Christ for me ; and I 
think I won't look within so much, but upward 
more. " Yours affectionately, 

"Maria." 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



125 



"My dear, good Friend, Mr. F., — I wish to 
say a few words through you to the young, who, I 
well know, will always be gathered around you till 
* our Father ' calls you home. 

" My young sisters, it is only a very few words 
I feel that I have strength to write you. I am 
dying. Oh, no! — I mean my lody is dying: my 
spirit, my soul, cannot die. I wish to tell you what 
peace and comfort Jesus, the dear Redeemer, can 
give, when all earthly things are passing away. He 
is very precious to me. I feel as if his dear arm 
was around me, and my head resting on his bosom. 
The Bible is full of his sweet promises of love. I am 
going to be with Christ: he has promised that I 
shall be with him. Do you not desire to have such 
a friend, such a dear Saviour to bless you, when 
your head shall be placed on a dying pillow? 
Would you dare to die without resting on Christ? 
Ah, no ! Let me tell you, my young sisters, the 
hour of sickness is not the time to prepare to die. 
And how sad and painful it would be to give your 
heart to Christ only at the moment when really it 
is not in your power to give it to the world ! A 
poor offering it would be. You are now in the 
bloom of health and youth : oh ! come now, each of 
you, and resolve, 'As for me, I will serve God, 



126 



PORTRAIT OP A 



and come to him, through the Saviour ; I will give 
him now all I have to give, — which is a poor, sin- 
ful, erring heart, — and ask him to cleanse it, and 
fill it with his Holy Spirit. I will come because 
Christ bids me come.' He invites you indeed. And, 
to express my love to him, I would say, — the last 
opportunity I have to speak to the young, — 6 Think 
of it as coming from a dying voice : oh, now 
come/* "Yours affectionately, 

" M. E. C 

"Dear Ones of the Hancock Sunday School. 

" I wish with this pencil (for I do not feel able to 
use a pen with any comfort) to say to you, one and 
all, Good-by ! I am going to be with Jesus ; to be 
carried by him to those heavenly mansions which he 
promised, in that comforting fourteenth chapter of 
John, to all who will believe. I wish to express to 
you the peace and comfort, the calm quiet, I feel in 
placing my head upon his sacred breast. 

"I have not one fear or doubt: all is bright. 
Rejoice with me ; for you cannot realize how utterly 
unworthy I feel to take even the crums that fall 
from my Master's table : and yet, through faith and 
trust, I know that I, even I, shall sit at the marriage- 
supper of the Lamb in his heavenly kingdom. 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



127 



"Sisters and Brothers, Fellow- Teachers, — Draw 
all your affections closer and closer to Christ ; feed 
upon him ; and the circles around you each sabbath 
must be drawn to him, and love him too. Oh, pray 
much for them and with them ! I consider your 
labors are like the faithful pastor's, always watching 
to lead these dear ones out of self and worldliness to 
the Shepherd of souls. Be not discouraged if they 
do not turn when you would have them. Sow the 
seed in faith : it will spring up. 

" Members of the Bible-classes, and dear children 
of the school I love, good-by / God bless you, and 
incline you early to seek him ! You are sinful if 
you consent to turn from Him who says, 6 They who 
seek me early shall find me.' Ah ! some, yes, many 
of you have found Jesus: will you not all come to 
him? He is inviting you now through me. Will 
you not commence a new life, and consecrate your- 
selves to Jesus, your best friend, who loves you so 
much that he is standing at the door of even the 
youngest heart to see if you will let him in ? I feel 
that I am dying, my dear children. This is the last 
thing I can do for Christ, — to say, with all my 
powers, Come, come ! The more sinful and unwor- 
thy you feel yourselves, the stronger is the reason 
that you should come. And you who have in humi- 



128 



PORTRAIT OF A 



lity knelt at his feet, draw closer, closer to him ; 
and bring — for it is in your power — some one else 
to him. 

" I cannot speak to you, my own dear class, before 
others. You know all that is in my mind, and my 
earnest longings concerning you. If my strength 
holds out, I shall write you ; but I am obliged to 
rest frequently while holding the pen now. 

" Thank you, teachers, for your attentions to me 
during my illness ; for all those beautiful bouquets 
you showered upon me ; for the delightful hymns, 
speaking of Jesus, you sent me ; for your words of 
kindness, and your Christian deeds of love ; but 
most for your prayers with and for me. Farewell for 
a little while ! 

" Most affectionately, 

"Maria E. Clapp." 

" My dear Sister L., — Little did we think 
we should see each other no more on earth ! But 
do not feel too much grieved. I am very happy, 
and have no fear ; for I am going only into another 
of God's rooms. You cannot see me now ; yet you 
believe I live. Well, I shall still live, all free from 
pain, and shall be so near to Jesus, who makes me 
willing to go. I want you to rejoice, after your first 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



129 



grief is over, that I have passed through the strug- 
gle all must sooner or later come to. I have had 
every comfort that can be thought of, almost ; and 
then I have all the precious promises of the Bible, 
of Jesus' own dear words, to sustain me ; so that I 
have only to lay my head upon the bosom of Jesus, 
and I have peace and rest." 

In such a state of mind as I have endeavored 
briefly to describe, and as her own words, 
bearing the stamp of simple truth, more 
clearly reveal, Miss Clapp continued to the 
end. During all her sickness, her faith never 
wavered, her patience never drooped ; her 
love grew warmer, and the peace of God 
flowed into her soul with an ever-increasing 
tide. We saw not, in her case, the end of 
earth, but the beginning of heaven. It was 
not a decaying body which we noticed, but a 
rising spirit; not the painful putting-off of 
this mortal clothing, but the putting-on of the 
shining robes of immortality. 

Of many holy and beautiful things which 
were seen and heard in her chamber I must 

9 



130 



PORTRAIT OF A 



not speak. The most beautiful expressions of 
such a saintly spirit are too sacred to be ex- 
posed, too delicate to be clothed in words. I 
will only raise the curtain so far and so long 
as may allow a few sunset rays of a Christian 
life to stream forth to illustrate the peaceful 
triumph of faith, and spread the glory of the 
Redeemer. 

On one occasion, as I entered her chamber, 
she said to me, " I have been a little troubled 
since you were here : and I must tell you all 
about it ; for I wish you to know every thing 
that passes in my mind. I am almost afraid I 
gave my Saviour reason to be displeased with 
me for a little while. You will tell me how far 
I was wrong, and whether I have done all I 
could. Last night, while my kind nurse was 
applying a bath of herbs to relieve the sore- 
ness of my limbs, I realized for the first time 
how emaciated they were. For a moment 
I was overcome : my thoughts were drawn 
down to my poor, suffering body, and I began 
to weep in pity for it. But I instantly thought, 



CHRISTIAN LIFE. 



131 



How wrong it is to feel so ! I was frightened 
to find such weakness still in my heart. I 
turned to my Saviour, and said, 6 Dear Sa- 
viour, I thought I had given thee all; but I 
am afraid I had not. I gave thee my soul; 
but I forgot to give thee my poor body. I 
give that to thee now: let it waste away or 
suffer ; let it be dealt with just as God wills.' 
As soon as I had said this, he took away 
the weakness; and I think of the body no 
more." 

A short time before her death, she placed in 
the hands of her friend, Mr. F., a sealed pack- 
age, saying that he would know what to do 
with it. It was found to contain six or seven 
envelopes, enclosing each a small sum of 
money, directed to as many different chari- 
table societies, to be given to them after her 
decease, without mention of the name of 
the donor. After it had been given to him, 
she sent for him again, and handed him a 
single envelope, with a remark like this, — 
44 There is still another charity which I would 



132 



PORTRAIT OF A 



not forget ; for a Christian's thoughts spread 
widely over the world as he is leaving it, and 
his love would embrace all." It was addressed 
" To Foreign Missions." 

On the sabbath morning, the 9th of Au- 
gust, being extremely weak, and in much 
pain, she supposed that her hour had come. 
She called her father and mother to her bed- 
side, and with thanks to them for their 
kindness, and the invocation of a blessing 
upon them, gave them brief messages for all 
the members of the family. The words she 
spoke were written down immediately after. 
They were, in part, as follows: — 

"Mother, what a beautiful thing it would be to 
die on this resurrection sabbath morning! — to lie 
down low at the feet of Jesus ! When shall I drink 
of the 6 living waters' ? Dear Jesus, I am ready, if 
thou wilt call me home. 

" Tell that my faith in my living Redeemer 

was strong to the last. 

"Tell to come to Christ: I will intercede 

for him at the throne. 



Christian life. 



133 



" Give my love to dear , and tell her to 

keep ever at the feet of Jesus, and bring up her 
children in his love. 

" Tell that Jesus calls him, and asks him to 

bring up his little ones in his nurture. 

" Tell to cling to the cross of Christ. 

" Bid all good-by for me. I am happy. God 
bless you . all ! " 

The sabbath passed by, repeating its prime- 
val promise to the children of God ; but her 
soul was not yet permitted to " enter into that 
rest." She lingered, languishing and suf- 
fering, but still at peace through faith, till 
the following Thursday, Aug. 13, when the 
blessed hour of release came. Again she 
breathed her adieus, but faintly and still more 
faintly. Her father's ear, drawn by a sign 
close to her lips, heard this whisper, as from a 
retreating voice already far distant, " My last 
request : Engrave on my tombstone, ' Asleep 
in Jesus.' " They were her last words. A 
smile of more than mortal beauty spread 



134 PORTRAIT OF A CHRISTIAN LIFE. 

over her face as she uttered them. The 
smile remained ; but the spirit, whose love 
and peace it expressed, had gone home to 
God. 



JN the Cemetery at Mount Auburn, on Walnut 
Avenue, at the junction of Orange and Trefoil 
Paths, may be seen a drapery tablet, which bears 
the following inscription : — 

itaria Cfigakty 

DEPARTED THIS LIFE, AUGUST 13, 1857; 

Aged 36. 

"asleep ^ jesus,' 7 



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